Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Cool, placenta. Real cool.

Baby boy enjoyed his first Festival of Colors.

So remember that time my placenta decided to attach to the absolute worst part of my uterus?
Yeah, me too.
I didn't even know this was possible.
Alex and I were at our ultrasound to find out the gender of the babe.
We were having quite the grand time in there as they went through all the parts of our little baby's body and revealed that he is, indeed, a male.
I'm was on such a high!  I'm so beyond excited and when I get really happy I get emotional.
Good thing I'm sure that happens frequently in that room.
So Alex and I are rejoicing when they hit us with the other news.
The nurse informs me that my placenta is in front of my cervix opening.
I don't know what the heck that meant other than knowing what a placenta and a cervix are, but not realizing they should not be together at this stage in the game.
All I'm thinking is, "Sweet!  I made a placenta!  I know that's what you're supposed to have in there.  What up, men of the world?!?  I made a y'all can't.  Booyah!"
She clearly saw I'm not understanding the seriousness of it so she briefly explained it and then got the doctor to come talk to us.
When he came in all rejoicing was over.
He informed me just what placenta previa is.
(linked that for those of you that need a more in depth science lesson.)
I just laid there for a bit taking it all in.
A billion thoughts started pouring through my head.
"How did this happen?"
"Why did this happen to me?"
"He's too little to come out."
"Is my body going to cooperate?"
Then I was emotional all over again...

Alex and I had an appointment with our OB shortly after.
He was able to explain things better and since I'm more used to him, it calmed me slightly.
He told me how to treat my body, what to do in an emergency situation, and that we'll just have to wait it out.

On the ride home I was such a mixture of emotions: sad/frustrated/angry/worried/anxious/happy (I mean, I did also find out the gender.)
When we arrived at the house I asked Alex for a blessing.
I didn't think I could continue until I felt some peace.
I always love receiving blessings from my husband.
I'm so grateful he's always able and willing whenever I need that boost.
I felt better after, but I was still just mostly quiet the rest of the day.
When hard things hit me, I usually need to let things set in so I can figure out how I'm going to handle it.

In the following days I was doing alright.
I can handle this.
I had to take it easy at dance and work, only take walks/swim, and just listen to my body.
Then a month later we have our next appointment.
He took away all exercise.
Baby boy is too big now for me to risk the gravitational pull with any kind of exercise since I have a complete coverage of the cervix...not a partial.
I started to cry all over again.
NO...I had finally gotten used to this adjustment in my life and now I had to adjust again!
Eventually I got around to being grateful that I was NOT on bed rest.
But still...having to sit/lay down AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE?!
Does this placenta of mine not know me?!?!
I was frustrated all over again and my poor husband had to deal with me being all mopey for the rest of the day.
But I figured it I always do.

I was already coming to fairly good terms with this road block in my life, but our Institute lesson last night helped my perspective a ton!
We were in Section 67 of the Doctrine & Covenants.
We started talking about how we can "see" Christ.
Verse 10 tells us the 3 things we need to do: strip ourselves of all jealousies, strip ourselves of all fears, and humble ourselves.
That's it!  HA...easier said than done FOR SURE.
However, our teacher (who is bomb) focused for a bit on stripping ourselves of fear.
He said if we truly believe we have a Father in heaven, if we truly believe Jesus if the Christ, if we truly believe there is a perfect plan of happiness, if we truly believe the Father & Son love us...then what is there to fear?
There is no need to fear because we would more fully understand that everything in this life has been planned out for our growth and happiness.
So my new goal is to strip myself of fear.
Fear of my baby being born too soon.
Fear of my placenta hemorrhaging.
Fear of the future/unknown.
I'm sick of being afraid.
I do know I have a Father in Heaven, I do know Jesus is the Christ, I do know there is a perfect plan of happiness, and I do believe the Father & Son love me unconditionally and in a way I cannot comprehend.
So my prayers now include asking for help in this lifestyle that I'm trying to adopt.
It's only been a day so far...but it's going well. :)
I know I won't be perfect at it, but I really want to be more aware of trying to be fearless in my life.
The moment of truth will be when this baby decides to enter the world whether it's through my placenta hemorrhaging, having a 37 week c-section, or my placenta miraculously moving and making his way through the birth canal.

I'm so grateful for everything I'm already learning from this little guy who hasn't even taken his first breath.
I love him so much.
He's already so full of life and reminds me constantly that he's still here.
(I wish he wouldn't camp out on my bladder or sciatic nerve as much as he does, but that's ok.  I'll take it.)

Alex and I just a few weeks before the little man was conceived.
Little did we know what the next month was going to bring...