Do you ever feel like you are missing out on life?
That you have not done enough in this world?
You have not gone after your dreams enough?
Or that what little you do, does not cut it?
Sadly, I feel like this a lot.
I go through the list of things I do not do enough...
I need to pray and read my scriptures more.
I need to serve more.
I need to be more crafty.
I need to be funnier in social situations.
I need be more noticeable with my talents.
I need to lose more weight.
I need to...I need to...I need to...
Or I go through how I do not go after the things I once dreamed of...
Why did I not go to California and try out to be a music video dancer?
Why did not I not audition for shows?
Why did I quit ballet my senior year?
Why did I stop practicing piano on a regular basis?
Why am I not famous?
Why did I not study abroad?
Why did I not go on a humanitarian service project?
I feel like even though I am young, the majority of my care free years are behind me.
The reality of graduating college has hit me in the face.
How did I get here?
Did I do enough in my classes?
Did I contribute to campus life enough?
Was I nice to people?
What more could I have done?
I feel like it replays in my head over and over a few times a week.
It's draining really.
I get a note from a girl at the treatment center that says:
"When I need you the most, you are always there."
That was it.
That was all the note said.
And when I got that note, it did not matter that I was not Beyonce's back up dancer or that I could not play every piece by Chopin.
What mattered in that moment was that I meant something to someone.
I meant something to one of my precious girls.
I love them so so much.
I just need to remember that feeling more in my life.
I need to remember that my life is great and that I have had many wonderful experiences.
I am very blessed and in the times where I have been most happy is while doing good.
As Robert Byrne said:
"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."