I don't wanna be a grown up anymore!!

So...being graduated is an awesome feeling.

I accomplished something huge. Something that a lot of people do not get the opportunity to do.

I conquered tests, projects, papers, and presentations.

But now...I feel like I would rather have that.

Being grown up is dang scary.

I am applying for jobs right now.

I am moving home to SC in a little less than a week for EFY and wedding plans and wedding festivities. Then in August Alex and I are moving to Salt Lake so he can finish up his schooling.

Which means I have to get a new job.

Alright...it was easy enough in college.

I pretty much got hired wherever I applied.

Well...real life grown up jobs are a little different.

I have been searching on Monster.com for weeks now and either nothing looks interesting or you need a Master's degree or you need 10 years of experience. Hello, people?! I'm a fresh grad...how can I have 10 years of experience in anything?

So the search keeps continuing.

And then there's housing.

Housing is more expensive as a married couple because you're not splitting it up with 5 people.

So it's all just conglomerating together to one big stress ball.

Thankfully I have an understanding fiance who could tell I was getting stressed.

He kindly reminded me that we will be ok.

We are doing the right thing. We are starting an eternal family, which is what we are supposed to be doing...at least that's what they keep telling us. :)

If we're doing that, we will be alright.

Heavenly Father knows our needs and he is not going to just drop us on our butts after making such an important decision as an eternal marriage.

True.

I felt better after he gave me my mini reminder.

So on to more application filling out and resume sending! Bleh.

If you know of any good job openings in the Salt Lake area...I'm your girl. :)

i love...

being engaged to my best friend...

meaning I will be MARRIED to my best friend.

How great is that?

(so great.)

My dad always used to make fun of me because I would call multiple friends my "best" friend. He would always say to me, "You can't have more than one best friend." I had to explain to him time and time again that I can have more than just ONE best friend. And I can. And I still call those certain girls in my life my "best friend." Because they are just that. They are some of the greatest friends I've ever had in my life.

But Alex is a different kind of best friend.

He's that person that I want to spend all of my time with.

He makes me laugh.

A lot.

He is kind to me.

And he makes me feel special.

He is my best friend.

And that's nice to know that I will be married to my best friend.

Forever.

Inspiration.

So today was a lot of thinking day...and the day's not even over.

This morning I got up and met Alex at the Provo temple.

He was going with some guys in his Elder's Quorum for a temple trip and I decided to join because I love going to the temple with my boy.

I put in my iPod to listen to EFY music to prepare my mind for the temple.

The first song that came on was "Praise the Man" from EFY 2005.

It's a tribute song to Joseph Smith because it was his 200th birthday celebration that year.

I have always loved that song. Always. When it was sung at EFY in 2005 I was 18 years old. I had never had that amazing testimony of Joseph Smith. I never doubted he was a prophet, but I just hadn't had an experience that really made me just awe inspired by him. Well...when "Praise the Man" was sung at EFY it brought that experience. We had a big lesson on him then the song was sung. I remember having chills shooting throughout my entire body and the tears quickly filling up my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, then filling back up again. For minutes it did this. I couldn't quite get a hold of myself for about 5 mins. I KNEW, without a doubt in my mind, that Joseph Smith was a prophet and restored the gospel to the earth. I KNEW it.

Well...back to my morning...

I was listening to this song on the way to the temple and thinking about all the sacrifices Joseph Smith went through. The challenges and trials are numerous and too many for me to put down in detail. Any kind of persecution, hardship, or hate, he (and Emma) dealt with and then kept moving forward in the building up of the kingdom. That takes determination. That takes love. And that takes knowing Heavenly Father is bigger than man. Seriously, he would not have kept going if he didn't know he was fighting for the truth, and through it all, he did it. Sure he had his weak moments, but he did it. He did whatever it took to meet the goal.

Now I know this is a stretch...but somehow my mind then shifted to my own life.

Do I have that kind of determination and love? Do I do whatever it takes to get through the tunnel? As I was taking this mental inventory of my life, I realized I am in some areas of my life, but not in others.

As far as the workplace goes...I do. I am very driven and thrive on the people higher up than me being pleased with my work.

As far as my relationships go...I do. I feel even though there is always room for improvement, I am a good person to have a relationship with. I am loyal, I am caring, and I would do pretty much anything for someone.

However, as far as taking total care of myself mentally, physically, and spiritually I am lacking.

I don't exercise enough anymore.

I don't eat as well as I should.

I don't read enough good books.

I don't read the scriptures enough.

I don't say as meaningful of prayers as I should.

I don't have enough balance.

So therefore...Joseph Smith has inspired me to change that. (Does that sound odd?)

I have a new found determination to read my scriptures every day.

I have a fresh desire to take better care of my body.

I made goals with Alex today...at Coldstone...haha I know that sounds ironic.

It was my last treat to myself.

From here on out til my wedding (cause c'mon...you have to eat good on your honeymoon) I am going to exercise at least 4 times a week and not have any sweets or fried foods. Whenever I get a craving I am going to grab a fruit or a smoothie or something of the sorts. (I did tell myself I could have Zaxby's when I get to the south because I only get it there so I have to take advantage of it while I'm there for a few short weeks!)

And I have a huge desire to add more variety to my life.

So if that means renting a tandem bike or going to fly a kite...gosh darnit I'm going to do it!

So thanks Brother Joseph. By george you've done it again...thanks.

I'll let y'all know how it goes!

And in other news...here are a FEW favorites from our engagement sessions with my sister, Krista Maurer with Island Belle Photography. We absolutely la la la LOVE them! We can't decide what ones we want to put up on our newlywed walls...and we still have wedding pictures to take! Krista is seriously amazing! If you need some pictures taken call or email her!

Feast your eyes...

Mama's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful, loving, supportive, and great Mama!

If you don't know this lady, that's a shame.

You should.

You won't regret it.

She will put a smile on your face and will make you laugh with just how ridiculous she can be.

I know I get embarrassed, but I know I should just be grateful she is a crazy.

Hope you have a great day, Mama!

Love you!