R.I.P Neil

So for those of y'all not aware...I am extremely attached to a special boy in my life.

He has sandy/tan skin. He has bright eyes. He is big. He is patient. He is a fighter.

No...it's not Alex. (though I do love you.)

His name is Neil...my 1994 Toyota 4Runner. I LOVE him.

Some of you reading this might not get attached to your cars and will probably think this post is a tad ridiculous.

Those of you who do get attached to your cars, then you will totally sympathize with me.

I am forever going to be attached to my boy, Neil.

I can still remember the day Neil came into my life.

My Daddy came in town to buy me a car.

My grandparents had bought both of my sisters cars in high school and I never got one, so they decided to give me a check and I had to find a car.

He was at the first dealership we stopped at: Brent Brown Toyota (which I hate, btw. They're terrible people.)

I saw him and immediately fell in love!

Then I test drove him and was falling even harder!

I told my Daddy that was what I wanted, but he said we should keep on looking.

The other cars I drove that day were just not cutting it.

Daddy could tell and was like, "Alright...let's go back and get the 4Runner."

He was going to ask $500 less than what the price was and told me to be prepared to walk out if they don't give it to us.

I was SO nervous because I wanted him so badly!

The guy at first said no so we started to stand up from the table and the guy quickly was like, "Ok, let me go check with my manager."

He came back and they said yes! PHEW!

A bunch of signatures later and Neil was mine!

I was beside myself with excitement! I wanted to show him to everyone I knew!

(the night I got Neil!)

I had to name him. Well, I was obsessed with that previous season of So You Think You Can Dance and right before I had watched the rerun marathon of it on MTV. I watched the whole season for 2 days straight! (maybe I skipped church to watch it? I read the Ensign on commercial breaks to make myself feel better about skipping.)

Anywho, my favorite dancer on that season was Neil. LOVED him!

So I figure why not keep Neil alive in my life and I named my 4Runner: Neil.

I saw that season on tour a month later and met all of the dancers and you better believe I told Neil I named my car after him. He was flattered of course. HA!

And from then on...Neil and I were inseparable for the next 3 years and 4 months.

(this happened the very first week I had him! I think it was a mistake because none of my friends had seen him yet. So...someone's joke got played on the wrong car.)

Then tragically right after Christmas, Neil got hit in the rear end...BAD. A fresh of the mish RM rammed into him during a snow storm and I think my favorite part of the situation (can there be a favorite part?) is when the guy who hit me said, "Yeah...I don't think this will be more than $1,000 in damage."

WRONG.

Even with getting used parts, it would have cost over $6,000 to repair him...and even though to me Neil is priceless, State Farm thought otherwise and pronounced him to be worth $3,750, but bumped it up for new tires and the inside of the truck being in good condition so rounding it up to $4,160...ish...

So...they called Neil a total loss. :(

So then I had a choice: do I cough up the extra cash to get him fixed? Do I keep him and try to sell him for parts? Or do I just let State Farm write me a check to put a down payment on a new car and let them take him?

Well...I chose the last as depressing as that is.

I had to start thinking rational.

I cannot lock Neil's doors. I cannot roll up the trunk window which means I can never roll it down which means I can never get into my trunk. Neil has no AC. Neil's transmission has been acting really funny. Neil's windshield wiper fluid squirters will not work even though I have fixed it twice now (which gets scary in the snow sometimes.) Plus...I'm spending SO much money in gas every week driving this 13 mile/gal boy around.

(just cruisin with Neil)

So I started my search with my sweet sister, Krista. Car shopping is terrible!

You have to deal with car salesmen, you have to find what fits you, you have to find the right mileage, you have to find the right price, and on and on and on...I hated it!

However, I found a killer deal up at a dealership in Bountiful that Krista and her roommate suggested because the dealership has built its reputation upon being honest with people. Plus, they only take cars that have low mileage and are in pristine condition. So I headed up there. I was reluctant in getting a car because I'm so used to driving an SUV.

But...I test drove a 2008 Honda Civic and loved it!

So I slept on it for a night and decided that was what I wanted to do.

So I put the majority of my settlement in a down payment (some I am sending to Daddio as a thank you for putting so much money into Neil) and have low monthly payments! It's great!

I picked up my new car on Friday night with Alex & Krista.

That night while I was driving back I decided my car had to be a girl. It's just TOO soon to think of having another boy in my life. I'm too loyal to Neil...that's just the way it is.

She is way cute!

She's black with grey interior. She has a great dash and stereo system. No stains on the seats or carpet. She gets GREAT gas mileage. And she will be very dependable.

And I decided last night her name is going to be: Milly!

Yes...dear Milly. It suits her just dandy!

And as much as I love her...I still get super sad that the Neil era is over.

(What happened to my car the day of the MLB season opener: Braves vs. Phillies. Braves won, thank you very much! I STILL have yet to find out who did this!)

State Farm is supposed to pick up my Neil today.

So this morning I gathered everything out of him. Having a big car makes you put a LOT of stuff in there! Then I cleaned out any trash or anything that I was not keeping.

And then...

I drove him around for the last time.

Did I cry and tell him I'm sorry?

It's a good possibility.

Am I pathetic?

Yes...but I could care less.

I love him SO much.

I did not realize you could love something that is not a human being this much.

I know I can't take Neil to heaven with me since he is a material possession, but still...Neil and I have deep feelings for each other.

Can I tell you a little secret?

Neil helped me through the hardest time of my life.

When I broke off my engagement I was distraught. I was depressed and could not explain how I was feeling to people very well.

There were so many nights when I wanted to be by myself (which is hard in a college town) that I could climb into Neil and off we would go to a secluded spot so I could cry my eyes out and pray. I would pray for strength. I would pray for help. I would pray to be happy. I would pray to stay faithful and true. I would pray that I would find someone who had the same goals as I did.

And you know what Neil did?

He was patient. He has heard some of my most heartfelt prayers and some of my most anguished cries.

And now I know that sounds silly, BUT...I feel an emotional tie to this boy of mine.

Not only did he let me cry to him, but he has gotten me where I needed to be.

He has taken me to Vegas. He has taken me to Rexberg. And he has taken me to Salt Lake many a time.

He also let us use his trunk the first night Alex and I ever kissed. :)

(Thanks for that, Neil!)

I have endless memories in Neil and so it is very hard for me to say goodbye.

I think another reason I am having a hard time saying goodbye is because me getting a new car is just another step in me becoming a real grown up. Even though graduating from college is a huge accomplishment and very exciting...I am also scared silly. Neil was my college car. He was a beater and I did not care. I always thought he was handsome. I don't do well with change. I like where I am when I am happy.

But something I DO know is...even though change is scary...it is usually a good step forward.

I can't stay at BYU forever and I can't have Neil as my car forever.

We all grow and change and that is why we are here.

To my parents:

Thank you for letting me have Neil, even with how much he costed in repairs.

He provided me so much happiness and y'all could see that.

Y'all are the best!

And to my sweet Neil:

Thank you for always being there and for providing some awesome times!

Don't forget me because I will never forget you.

I sure do love you.

Love, Kayc

The day I became an Aunt!

Ok so yesterday, Jan. 11th, was a special day.

Not only was it my Grandma's Birthday, (if you're reading this, I love you Grandma) but it was also the day a certain little person grabbed my heart.

My sister, Karly, went into labor on Monday and the big event kept on going through Tuesday until 8:10pm arrived and a beautiful baby girl was brought into the world.

I was at New Haven when she was born. The girls were all so into it because I kept announcing the updates my mama would text me!

The girls were all so cute and so excited as well!

When she arrived I jumped up and down as soon as I laid my eyes on the picture text!

The girls all wanted to see her and I proudly showed everyone!

8 pounds, 11 ounces, 20 1/2 inches.

Meet Laela Carolina Barksdale:

(said "Layla")

I don't think there ever was a more gorgeous baby.

I normally think newborns look like wrinkly old men and do not think they are cute until about 2 weeks old.

However, not this little one. She is the most pretty baby.

Those baby rolls give me the squeezies and I just want to pinch her.

OH MY GOSH.

And that face....ugh! Already has me mesmerized!

I canNOT wait for next week to come so Krista and I can go down to AZ for her baby blessing.

I just want to sit there for hours rocking and smooching those cheeks (both face and bum.)

I lost it when Mama sent me this picture:

My dear sister is a Mama! So weird, but so great.

Kar is going to be such a great, fun mom and I can't wait to watch her with Laela.

Karly only deserves the best and I hope Laela is a good baby for her.

Having a baby in the family is something we have not had for a LONG time.

Well...since I was born almost 24 years ago!

It is going to be so fresh and new and exciting!

I hope Kar pops out another one soon! I could get used to this baby thing! :)

Ok Ok...I guess she can rest for a little bit of time.

Until then I am going to love Ms. Laela like nobody's business.

Laela,

I know you do not know me yet, but you have already wrapped me around your finger.

I promise to be the best aunt I can be.

I am going to kiss you over and over again and I won't even mind changing your stinky bomb diapers.

In a few years I will play dress up all the day long and since your Uncle Alex has diabetes I will always have candy in my purse. (yeah...you know where to go.)

You are always welcome for sleepovers and I will take you as long as your Mama lets me!

Once you become a teenager I hope you talk to me about your triumphs and struggles.

I am so excited to be a part of your life and help you in any way I can.

Listen to your parents, grandparents, and Aunt Krista...they all love you so much.

Follow the prophet and the promptings of the Spirit.

Rely on the Lord and put your faith in Him.

I love you SO much, little Laela...I really do.

I'll be seeing you soon...

Love, Aunt Kayc

Hope.

I have been trying to think a lot about the concept of HOPE recently.

One of the girls at the treatment center is doing something for one of her values projects and she gave us all a piece of paper with this question at the top:

What gives you hope?

At first I thought it would be easy to answer it.

But every time I would sit down to write it I would get baffled.

Not because nothing gives me hope, but because it was a way bigger question than I first thought.

Hope is defined as:

the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best;

to feel that something desired may happen;

So what is it that gives me that feeling of events turning out for the best?

What is it that makes me know what I desire will happen?

I've concluded these are the reasons that give me hope:

In a spiritual sense:

*I've had answers to prayers before, so because of that experience it gives me hope that future prayers will be heard and answered.

*I've seen miracles happen and I have hope miracles will continue to happen.

*I've personally been taken out of the hole of despair through my belief in the Atonement.

*Basically my belief in Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ give me the hope to know everything in my life will turn out the way it should.

*I believe in a living prophet so because of that it gives me hope that what they advise us to do will make our lives better and we can be the best people we can be.

In other senses:

*I have seen people that you would not expect to do good, do good. That gives me hope for anyone who is in a tough spot.

*I have seen people overcome tragedy through their personal goodness and that gives me hope that I can do the same.

*I have hope for human kind after watching this video.

I feel like there are more reasons that even I don't understand that give me hope.

But for now that is good enough for me.

All I need to know is that I do have hope.

Hope gets me up every day.

Hope motivates me.

Hope is lasting.

New Years Resolutions!

First of all, I LOVE Resolutions.

Rarely do they stick, however.

I heard on the radio that only 13% of the resolutions people set, are kept.

I believe that statistic because that's just where abouts I am with mine from last year.

Here they are, check 'em out...

I needed to complete 1.2 of my 9 resolutions to get 13%.

Let's see...

I half completed these 3:

Write the grandparents.

Get all A's and B's my last year at BYU.

Save money for a vacation.

I did call the grandparents more, which I was proud of!

I called them more than any previous year at BYU.

However, no letters, which I should work on.

I did let one C sneak in my last year.

Out of the 12 classes I took during my last year, one C did get in there.

But do I get credit for all the other A's and B's? I think so...it's BYU, c'mon!

And as far as vacations, I did not plan a big one necessarily, but some vacations have just fallen upon me, like San Diego & San Francisco and thankfully I had some money saved up to be able to go to those places.

I think all of those halfers should count for at least one.

Then I DID complete my last resolution which was getting a boyfriend. :)

Oh that Mister of mine...he's lovely.

So I completed a total of 2 of my resolutions, which equals 22%! YES!

Ok...I really am going to try harder this year and here are my resolutions for 2011! (are you excited, yet?! :)

1. Once again, I am going to try harder to read my scriptures EVERY day. Some days are super hard since I work from 6:30am-11:30pm...straight. I need to even just read a verse before I lie my head to sleep. It's so important and I need to get that every day habit back in my life.

2. And also once again, write in my journal at least once a week. I used to do it every day, which seems impossible to me now. Ok, I won't lie to y'all. I quit writing when things got bad with Dan. I did not want to write in a journal...I just couldn't. I did not want to record my crappy emotions into pages that would be read for generations. I've had a feeling for awhile to write it all down just FOR posterity's sake...so I'm in the process. And it feels great. I have missed getting lost in my journal.

3. Practice piano 2-3 times a week. I have let weeks go by where I have not touched the piano. That is sad considering it is one of the greatest talents I have. I love the piano, I really do. I need to get back to playing all the time.

4. It's always on everyone's resolutions, BUT...lose weight. Not a ton. I more want to get toned again. Ashley and I are going to create a plan this evening, and going to help each other accomplish it!

5. Go to a cultural event once a month. That can be a play, a concert, a festival, whatever...just something to make me appreciate the arts more.

6. Be serviceable. I do not quite know how to measure my success on this one, but I just want to serve more...however that happens...

7. Be a better family member. I am a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, and soon to be...an aunt! I want to fulfill those roles the best way I can.

8. Write 2 songs. I have not written songs in SO long. I will admit, I am so daunted by this resolution, because I'm so out of practice. My problem that has plagued me for years is not being able to finish songs...so I figure 2 songs is a good starting point for a 12 month time period.

Well...those are the resolutions I currently have.

Let's hope 2011 is good to me! :)

In other news...Karly is having her baby on Tuesday, the 11th!!!!

Krista and I will venture down there the day before!

I am SOOOO excited to be an aunt to that little one!

Ashley Kay...the Birthday Girl!!

So I have this friend.

You may or may not know her.

I kinda think she's pretty great.

Her name is Ashley Kay Sant.

And New Years Eve was her 23rd Birthday!

I have been able to be with her on her birthday quite a few times in the past, but since I had to stay in Utah to work, I was not so lucky and could not party with her in the A.T.L.

I made her a pretty great post last year and you can click here to see that one.

Ashley Kay is seriously one of the best friends I have ever had.

She would benefit anyone's life just from being a part of it.

She is such a great friend and I will share some of my favorite things about her.

She loves her family SO much and would do anything for them.

I hope someday my future family can be like hers.

She is so giving to all of her siblings and respectful to her parents.

Not to mention, her extended family loves Ash a ton too.

I have loved being able to spend time with them.

She will jam out and dance like a crazy person with me.

I'm pretty sure everyone at EFY wants to be us at the dances!

We just go out there and do our thing...no matter how ridiculous it may look.

We also can entertain ourselves when no one else is even around.

I love it.

As you can see above...we are a little obsessed with Slurpees.

They can turn any day into a great day.

I'm so happy she's as nuts as I am and will want one at any time of any day...doesn't matter if it's 3am and freezing outside.

The Braves have brought us even closer together, which I love.

There is such a bond that happens with you both like the same team.

Especially when you're SUPER obsessed with a team, such as Ash & myself.

I'm so glad she understands and will be hard core with me.

Like remember that one time we went to San Francisco for the playoff game? Yeah...that was fun.

Ash is a babe.

'Nuff said...

Ashley loves to have fun...which is always a nice thing to have in a friend.

She can crack me up always and can make me happy.

Lastly, I just want to say that Ashley makes me want to be a better person.

She is giving, loving, caring, spiritual, happy, fun, smart, and genuine.

We got to celebrate our 5 year Friendiversary this past 4th of July.

I know it was a joke and a reason to throw a party, but in reality I love that we did it.

I loved celebrating my friendship with her because it really is special to me.

I can't wait to see where the next 5 years takes us.

Happy Birthday, Smash!

I LOVE YOU!