Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dear Alex,

This post is for you.
I know that a few weeks ago I put you through a lot of pain when I told you that I was scared, confused, and knew you were more in love with me than I was with you.
I've never wanted to cry at someone's face more than that night.
You are so very much in love with me and I had punched your heart.
Your face said everything you were feeling inside and I felt like the most awful person in the world.
I know what it's like to feel heart ache.
I know what it's like to be in the more loving end.
I know what it's like to feel completely out of control of a situation you wish you could so badly control.
Since I know what that is like I never wanted to be the source of that pain...and I was.
I'm sorry for that.

That being said, however, I have never been more proud of you.
You took everything I said with love and care and then had a decision to make.
You decided not to be selfish, but to be selfless.
And it has made all the difference in the world.
That night I told you I was scared that I would pick the wrong guy...again, and that is something I do not want to go through for a second time.
(once was definitely enough.)
That night I told you I was confused because some days I wanted to be with you and others...not so much.
That night I told you it was hard having you around all the time now since I was so used to being able to just do my own thing and text you with the 4 hour distance between us...now you're just 5 blocks away.
Let's face it, I told you a lot of things that night that I'm sure you would rather not remember since it hurt you so much.

I asked for space. I asked for patience. I asked for respect. I asked for time. I asked for prayers.
You could have just walked away that night and thought I was horrible for asking such things and not done anything about it.
But you didn't.
You did the complete opposite.
You gave me all the space I needed, you've been patient with me and given me time, and you have constantly been praying for my nerves to calm down.
You've been everything I could've dreamed of, but were not sure if you were capable of it.
But in this last month I feel like I've seen you in a different light.
You've been working hard and learning what it means to have a job.
You've been reading your scriptures, giving talks in church, and doing your home teaching.
You took care of me when I felt like death had come upon me and revived me back to health.
You've been patient and kind and ever so loving.
I know that no other girl ever crosses your mind because you're too busy staring at me. (both figuratively and literally. :)

I'm really proud of you and the growth you have shown over the last few weeks.
It has made all the difference.
I think you're just great and I love spending time with you.
Speaking of, where are you? I want you to be sitting next to me right now.
I really do love you with all my heart.
I had forgotten for awhile, but now it is back and it is stronger than ever.
Thank you for being you and for being what I need.
You're such a good guy. Everyone knows it. Everyone loves you: friends, roommates, co-workers, etc.
But most importantly for you...I love you too.


Lori said...

way sweet

Nicole Erin said...

i think i just cried.

yes i stalk your blog now.
alex is the nicest person i have ever met! love you guys.