Seasons

Do you ever feel like you can't keep up?

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough?

Do you ever feel like you're a failure at being a female and doing the "female" things?

I KNOW I am not alone in those feelings.

I feel like I constantly get down on myself for not "doing" enough.

The world demands a lot from us.

We are "supposed" to have an always clean house, dinner for our family 7 nights a week, fully stocked food cabinets, constant laundry loads going, never have pee spots on the side of the toilet (from your husband obviously), and all while looking practically perfect in every way. 

Mary Poppins, anyone?

Some of us at church were expressing these feelings of not having enough time to do everything and then we had a lesson on Family History.

Then my mind spiral started again.

"I KNOW family history is important.

I KNOW it is.

But how in the world am I supposed to research to find my ancestors and then prepare them for temple work all while I have a young child?"

While my mind was getting severely overwhelmed, my Bishop's wife chimed in and said something along these lines:

"We all have seasons in life and we cannot forget which season we are in.  If we can remember to stay within the confines of our season, we can avoid feeling bogged down."

Then she told us that family history has to match our season.

For my season as a young mother that looks like taking pictures and writing in a journal.

HALLELUJAH!  I'm already doing that!

I felt such relief!

I felt so liberated!

Even though that was a few months ago, I've really tried to keep that phrase in mind.

Whenever I start to feel like I want to do it all, but don't have the time or means, I repeat in my mind: "It's not my season."

I have to remember my current season.

I cannot expect myself to be able to do things now that I will be able to do when I no longer have newborns or when we are empty nesters.

This doesn't mean that I'm incapable.

It means I very much am a capable person, but it's just not my season.

Don't you love that?!

I know for me it gave me a sense of freedom within myself.

I hope someone reading this will feel the same.

This world today makes us feel like we have to do it ALL in order to be happy.

And that's so false.

So let's stick to our seasons and enjoy the journey! 

Getting back on track.

As any mother knows, having a baby throws your entire life in a huge loopdy loop.

The life that you used to know ceases to exist.

As awful as that sounds, it does get better!

I think the best advice I got was from my sister, Karly.

She told me that it was OK to mourn my old life.

It was OK to miss it.

It was OK to have a hard transition.

So I did that.

I took some time to mourn pre-Kameron life.

And I'm so glad I did...my pre-Kameron life was great!

I really did have an awesome life.

BUT...my life is even better now!

First of all, I have the cutest child that I'm kind of obsessed with.

Second of all, I get to watch a tiny human (who I grew, by the way) discover everything about this world.

I mean, I watched him become enthralled with a Cheez-It box earlier today.  That alone kept him entertained for about 15 minutes.

I get to see him become excited every time he sees me.

I get to see his toothless grin.

I get to watch my husband transform into a father.

I get to be a part of this divine creation process.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

That being said...I have learned in my 3 months of being a mother that Kameron cannot be my ENTIRE world.

There are other things that make me ME.

And though I love taking care of him, I cannot lose the things that also make me happy.

So I have made a goal to every day do something for myself:

Spiritually

Mentally

Physically

Relationally 

and one thing for my home/family.

Spiritually: watch a General Conference talk, listen to church music, read the scriptures, watch some Mormon messages, etc.

Mentally: read a book for recreation, scrapbook, paint my nails, go to work etc.

Physically: go on a walk, play Just Dance, go to the gym, stretch, etc.

Relationally: spending better quality time with Alex once Kam is in bed.

Home/Family: do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, etc.

If I can just do at least ONE of those things in each category every day, I will be in good shape.

I have made these goals so that I am more productive during Kam's nap time and also so when he is awake I will not have any feelings of bitterness for not getting things done.

Wish me luck!

Figuring out how to be a mommy and Kaycie is a tricky mix. :)

3 month old Kameron!

Holy moly!

Where is time going?!

Yesterday on Halloween, Kameron became a 3 month old babe.

In some ways it's flown by, but then it's also hard to remember when our family only consisted of 2 people.

As you will be able to tell from my favorite pictures from the last month, Kam has turned in to quite the little ham.  His facial expressions have just blossomed!  It's so much fun to see how his face changes when he's concentrating, upset, happy, uncomfortable, quizzical, and my favorite: excited!

He's definitely discovered his hands this month.  He can bat at objects now and even grabs them a lot of the time.  His mouth has turned into the automatic magnet so whatever he does grab, gets pulled to the mouth.  He also really loves sucking on his hands and for some reason loves to chew on fabric.  Weirdo.

He LOVES his new play mat that Grammie got for him when she was in town.  His feet kick a piano that plays songs and he can bat at jungle animals.  He just goes crazy sometimes kicking and batting away!  Then he'll pretend he's all upset and wants out, but as soon as he sees our faces he gets all excited again and plays more.  He just wants us right there so he can show off for us.

He can hold his head up and does great while being in a front carrier or in his Bumbo.  He also LOVES to stand!  We can just hold on to his hands and pull him up from a laying down position.  He thinks it's the greatest thing in the world and gets the biggest proud smile on his face!

He does pretty great with sleeping.  His first stretch of the night is usually 8-9 hours.  Then after a quick nurse, he's back down for another 2.5-3 hours.  He also takes about an hour long nap twice a day and then a little catnap in the evening.

He's still a chunk.  Our guess is that he's gained about another pound, but we aren't for sure.  But we did measure him and he's grown another half inch.

He really enjoys being outside still.  He loves to look around, sleep in his stroller, and then look around some more.  He also makes the funniest noise whenever wind hits his face.

Kam is very close to rolling from his tummy to his back.  The poor guy is so frustrated that he's so close!  He's got the working hard grunt down and just does it over and over again during tummy time.

Thankfully he does great while out and about.  He observes other people and as soon as they look at him, he can't help but smile!  We usually can hit up 2 errands before he's done and wants to go home and take a nap.  So if I divide them up evenly throughout the week, I can usually hit everywhere I need to.

His bedtime routine is turning in to my favorite time of the day.  He has his last big feeding then we take him in to our room and lay him on the bed.  That's when he gets really excited since he knows what's coming!  While Alex gets his clothes and diaper off, I start the bath and get his bath seat ready.  Then I do the bath part.  He looooves it!  He is oh so smiley and giggly and just talks and squeals to his heart's content.  When he's done, Alex has the towel ready and he gets him all dried off and a fresh diaper put on.  Then I lotion Kam on up.  Thankfully he no longer screams during drying off and lotioning!  Then we take him back to his room to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  He used to not seem very into it, but the last week or so he's really started to pay attention!  He gets so excited when he sees the first page.  The first time he got so excited, Alex and I could not stop laughing because his face was hilarious!  I literally could not read anymore.  Kam saw and fed off of us so he started squealing and smiling.  It was one of my most favorite times with my little family thus far.  After the book I nurse him to top him off and so he can get drowsy.  Then I set him in his crib, stroke his hair for a bit, and he just drifts off to dreamland.  He's a dream, that baby.

As for us?  Alex and I are doing great.

We definitely have our moments where we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities.  Usually when that happens, one of us is more up so we can help out and pick up the extra slack.

It's definitely a balancing game being parents that work and go to school, but we're figuring it all out.

There were some times, especially in that first 6 week's of Kam's life, when I didn't know if I could do this.

I honestly didn't understand why people would want more than one of these!

But I think I'm starting to get it.

Kamo is the joy of our home and just gets more and more fun each and every day.

I keep thinking he can't get any cuter, but he somehow magically does!

We sure do love our little man cub.

Happy 3 months, baby!