Friday, April 2, 2010

My Worth.

I have a question. [or a couple.]
Do you ever wonder if you matter in this world?
Would it make a difference whether you were in it or not?
Would people care if you were no longer here?
Have you made an impact in the lives of others?
Is the world a better place because you're in it?

Don't worry...this is not some sort of depressing, suicidal post.
It's just some questions that I have been thinking about.
I will admit that sometimes I get down on myself.
Sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough.
I could have gotten better grades, I could have done more for Club Style, I should have tried out for folk dance sooner so now I could be traveling the world, I could have gone visiting teaching more, I should have kept in better contact with close friends, I could have served more, etc. There's an endless amount to what I could've/should've.

But then I read these things:
"You are one of the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for and I'm so blessed to be a part of your life." -Ashley Kay Sant

"You are an amazing person. Club Style is my hero for introducing me to you. My life has changed so much ever since we have become friends.I know that you genuinely care. I've never had a friend offer to drop everything and come to my side when I was having a rough time and know they actually meant it and they actually would, except for you. You have no idea how much that meant to me, and still means to me, after needing a good friend to be there for me and to talk to but having only half-hearted attempts or nothing from others." -McKell. Lyn Forbes

"She’s our baby–the one we didn’t know we needed until we had her. Her golden honey eyes bewitched me from the moment I saw her, and wrapped around her pinky I have been since I very first held her tiny body.
She’s a woman now, full of brightness and laughter, sunkissed with just the right amount of sass. Yes, at times she’s a little airy, and oh, does it makes us laugh, but she’s smart and talented and completely capable. Well actually mostly capable–that is, as capable as the baby of a family can be. Equally lovely, funny, sweet, and strong, full of faith and conviction and goodness, I’m sometimes amazed at who she’s become.
And yet, I’m not.
We always knew she was special." -Krista Maurer

These are just a few of the things I could read that give me that boost to keep on going, to realize I do make a difference in this world. Just when I think no one would miss me I get a text from Leah with just a simple "I love you." I get a funny text message from Daddy while he's watching Sesame Street. I hear a Karen Carpenter song and don't hear her singing, but my Mama instead. [cause she's more amazing.]

I have so many blessings in my life: my parents, my sisters, my friends, my education, my talents, my jobs, and of course my incredible boyfriend. [we can't forget him! :]

So next time you feel like you have no worth...go read some of those text messages you've saved or those blog spots about you or those notes that you've kept in the shoebox at the top shelf of your closet. Then say a prayer thanking your Heavenly Father for putting you on this Earth and THIS time...just as you were meant to be. You'll feel better. I testify.


Krista said...

mmm...i wreally wreally love you.

p.s. i'm a freakin' damn good writer! :) haha seriously i forgot how good that post i wrote about you was. :) and it's still as true now as it was then. xo

Ashley Kay said...

hahah krista you are hilarious!
and i second her statement, i really do love you and i'm glad you realize it! don't ever forget it. cause seriously, life without you would be miserable. that is the honest truth!

Lori said...

YOU are my miracle sent from heaven. Yes, you blessed our family, but you and I were together first! And you were MY miracle. OUR miracle. And you became our Nephi, our Capt. Moroni, our Esther, Our Job...our child who always thirsted for the truth and found safety and happiness in the arms of her Heavenly Father and Savior. Who was always was willing to defend that truth, even tho the result would be a crushed heart. When you smile, the light of Christ shines straight to my heart and I feel His love thru you. I know when I speak, no one really takes me seriously because I'm the mom. But I wish you would because my words are so true. They may come out cheesy but the love and gratefulness I feel for you is unbelievable. The Lord let me know you were special before you were born and I cling to that! Thanks for the reminder of who we are and who's we are! Love, Mama