Seasons

Do you ever feel like you can't keep up?

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough?

Do you ever feel like you're a failure at being a female and doing the "female" things?

I KNOW I am not alone in those feelings.

I feel like I constantly get down on myself for not "doing" enough.

The world demands a lot from us.

We are "supposed" to have an always clean house, dinner for our family 7 nights a week, fully stocked food cabinets, constant laundry loads going, never have pee spots on the side of the toilet (from your husband obviously), and all while looking practically perfect in every way. 

Mary Poppins, anyone?

Some of us at church were expressing these feelings of not having enough time to do everything and then we had a lesson on Family History.

Then my mind spiral started again.

"I KNOW family history is important.

I KNOW it is.

But how in the world am I supposed to research to find my ancestors and then prepare them for temple work all while I have a young child?"

While my mind was getting severely overwhelmed, my Bishop's wife chimed in and said something along these lines:

"We all have seasons in life and we cannot forget which season we are in.  If we can remember to stay within the confines of our season, we can avoid feeling bogged down."

Then she told us that family history has to match our season.

For my season as a young mother that looks like taking pictures and writing in a journal.

HALLELUJAH!  I'm already doing that!

I felt such relief!

I felt so liberated!

Even though that was a few months ago, I've really tried to keep that phrase in mind.

Whenever I start to feel like I want to do it all, but don't have the time or means, I repeat in my mind: "It's not my season."

I have to remember my current season.

I cannot expect myself to be able to do things now that I will be able to do when I no longer have newborns or when we are empty nesters.

This doesn't mean that I'm incapable.

It means I very much am a capable person, but it's just not my season.

Don't you love that?!

I know for me it gave me a sense of freedom within myself.

I hope someone reading this will feel the same.

This world today makes us feel like we have to do it ALL in order to be happy.

And that's so false.

So let's stick to our seasons and enjoy the journey! 

Getting back on track.

As any mother knows, having a baby throws your entire life in a huge loopdy loop.

The life that you used to know ceases to exist.

As awful as that sounds, it does get better!

I think the best advice I got was from my sister, Karly.

She told me that it was OK to mourn my old life.

It was OK to miss it.

It was OK to have a hard transition.

So I did that.

I took some time to mourn pre-Kameron life.

And I'm so glad I did...my pre-Kameron life was great!

I really did have an awesome life.

BUT...my life is even better now!

First of all, I have the cutest child that I'm kind of obsessed with.

Second of all, I get to watch a tiny human (who I grew, by the way) discover everything about this world.

I mean, I watched him become enthralled with a Cheez-It box earlier today.  That alone kept him entertained for about 15 minutes.

I get to see him become excited every time he sees me.

I get to see his toothless grin.

I get to watch my husband transform into a father.

I get to be a part of this divine creation process.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

That being said...I have learned in my 3 months of being a mother that Kameron cannot be my ENTIRE world.

There are other things that make me ME.

And though I love taking care of him, I cannot lose the things that also make me happy.

So I have made a goal to every day do something for myself:

Spiritually

Mentally

Physically

Relationally 

and one thing for my home/family.

Spiritually: watch a General Conference talk, listen to church music, read the scriptures, watch some Mormon messages, etc.

Mentally: read a book for recreation, scrapbook, paint my nails, go to work etc.

Physically: go on a walk, play Just Dance, go to the gym, stretch, etc.

Relationally: spending better quality time with Alex once Kam is in bed.

Home/Family: do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, etc.

If I can just do at least ONE of those things in each category every day, I will be in good shape.

I have made these goals so that I am more productive during Kam's nap time and also so when he is awake I will not have any feelings of bitterness for not getting things done.

Wish me luck!

Figuring out how to be a mommy and Kaycie is a tricky mix. :)

3 month old Kameron!

Holy moly!

Where is time going?!

Yesterday on Halloween, Kameron became a 3 month old babe.

In some ways it's flown by, but then it's also hard to remember when our family only consisted of 2 people.

As you will be able to tell from my favorite pictures from the last month, Kam has turned in to quite the little ham.  His facial expressions have just blossomed!  It's so much fun to see how his face changes when he's concentrating, upset, happy, uncomfortable, quizzical, and my favorite: excited!

He's definitely discovered his hands this month.  He can bat at objects now and even grabs them a lot of the time.  His mouth has turned into the automatic magnet so whatever he does grab, gets pulled to the mouth.  He also really loves sucking on his hands and for some reason loves to chew on fabric.  Weirdo.

He LOVES his new play mat that Grammie got for him when she was in town.  His feet kick a piano that plays songs and he can bat at jungle animals.  He just goes crazy sometimes kicking and batting away!  Then he'll pretend he's all upset and wants out, but as soon as he sees our faces he gets all excited again and plays more.  He just wants us right there so he can show off for us.

He can hold his head up and does great while being in a front carrier or in his Bumbo.  He also LOVES to stand!  We can just hold on to his hands and pull him up from a laying down position.  He thinks it's the greatest thing in the world and gets the biggest proud smile on his face!

He does pretty great with sleeping.  His first stretch of the night is usually 8-9 hours.  Then after a quick nurse, he's back down for another 2.5-3 hours.  He also takes about an hour long nap twice a day and then a little catnap in the evening.

He's still a chunk.  Our guess is that he's gained about another pound, but we aren't for sure.  But we did measure him and he's grown another half inch.

He really enjoys being outside still.  He loves to look around, sleep in his stroller, and then look around some more.  He also makes the funniest noise whenever wind hits his face.

Kam is very close to rolling from his tummy to his back.  The poor guy is so frustrated that he's so close!  He's got the working hard grunt down and just does it over and over again during tummy time.

Thankfully he does great while out and about.  He observes other people and as soon as they look at him, he can't help but smile!  We usually can hit up 2 errands before he's done and wants to go home and take a nap.  So if I divide them up evenly throughout the week, I can usually hit everywhere I need to.

His bedtime routine is turning in to my favorite time of the day.  He has his last big feeding then we take him in to our room and lay him on the bed.  That's when he gets really excited since he knows what's coming!  While Alex gets his clothes and diaper off, I start the bath and get his bath seat ready.  Then I do the bath part.  He looooves it!  He is oh so smiley and giggly and just talks and squeals to his heart's content.  When he's done, Alex has the towel ready and he gets him all dried off and a fresh diaper put on.  Then I lotion Kam on up.  Thankfully he no longer screams during drying off and lotioning!  Then we take him back to his room to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  He used to not seem very into it, but the last week or so he's really started to pay attention!  He gets so excited when he sees the first page.  The first time he got so excited, Alex and I could not stop laughing because his face was hilarious!  I literally could not read anymore.  Kam saw and fed off of us so he started squealing and smiling.  It was one of my most favorite times with my little family thus far.  After the book I nurse him to top him off and so he can get drowsy.  Then I set him in his crib, stroke his hair for a bit, and he just drifts off to dreamland.  He's a dream, that baby.

As for us?  Alex and I are doing great.

We definitely have our moments where we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities.  Usually when that happens, one of us is more up so we can help out and pick up the extra slack.

It's definitely a balancing game being parents that work and go to school, but we're figuring it all out.

There were some times, especially in that first 6 week's of Kam's life, when I didn't know if I could do this.

I honestly didn't understand why people would want more than one of these!

But I think I'm starting to get it.

Kamo is the joy of our home and just gets more and more fun each and every day.

I keep thinking he can't get any cuter, but he somehow magically does!

We sure do love our little man cub.

Happy 3 months, baby!

2nd Anniversary.

I never got around to posting a sappy blog post about my husband.

So here comes the sap...(you've been warned.)

Dear Alex,

Happy 2nd Anniversary!  These 2 years have flown by because being married to you is SO GREAT!  On a daily basis you make me feel: funny, beautiful, special, and important.  I can only hope I do the same for you. (insert handsome instead of beautiful though. :)  I don't know where along the way Heavenly Father deemed me so lucky as to have you, but I'm so thankful He did.  This past year has been more stressful and crazy than the first, but thank you for helping me through my pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  You were there the whole time.  Thank you for the runs to Taco Bell in snowstorms at 10pm.  Thank you for being at every appointment with me.  Thank you for rubbing my back almost every night.  Thank you for not remembering my pre-pregnancy body and for making me feel sexy when I was growing our child and then even now.  Thank you for shaving my legs.  Thank you for working so hard in school and at work.  Thank you for never coming home and immediately asking, "What's for dinner?" or "Why are there blankets, baby clothes, and stuff just everywhere?"  Thank you for giving me blessings whenever I need them.  Thank you for making our sweet baby with me.  I'm pretty sure he's the best thing we've ever done.  Thank you for being such an amazing husband and father.  I think I'll keep you around for at least another year.  Love you.

Link to 1st Anniversary video: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10100577260637029

A Smile.

First: 

Kameron had his 2 month check up.

I don't think it's any surprise that he's a chunk.

Height: 24 inches.

Weight: 14.1 lbs.

Percentile: 95th.

We have ourselves a big boy.

Second:

Someone at work asked me what my favorite part of being a mother was.

I knew it instantly.

So without hesitation I said, "When he smiles at me."

I'm sure my "favorite motherhood" moments will change and morph as Kameron and our other children grow and mature.

I'm sure some day it will be watching them do their talents, cooking Christmas goodies, or having late night chats over grilled cheese sandwiches.

But for now...Kam's talent is filling up his diaper in one blow, Christmas is not here, and neither him or I can make it late in to the night. (With or without the possibility of a grilled cheese being involved.)

That kid's smile though...I live and breathe for it.

And I still don't even have a picture of his BEST smile.

His best smiles are when there's no camera around and we're just playing back and forth.

I hope to document it someday, but for now...his best smiles are preserved in my head.

There is nothing more amazing than when he sees my face and gets a big smile on his.

His toothless grin makes my heart melt and all is forgiven.

I've forgotten that he spit up all over me at church.

I've forgotten that he woke me up 4 times the night before due to a growth spurt.

I've forgotten that he exploded all over his freshly put on outfit.

All I can think of is the way his eyes sparkle.

And the dimples on the right side of his face.

And his chunky cheeks.

And his squeal of delight in his valient effort to laugh.

Yep.

It's for certain.

That smile...is my favorite part of being a mother.

TWO MONTHS!

Kameron is a whole 2 months old!

I really can't believe how quickly this last month went!  Definitely faster than his first month of life. :)

I'm pretty sure that's due to him being SO much more interactive.

He seems to really know our faces and voices and gets all smiley a lot of the time.

His little smile seriously melts my heart.  I can't even handle it.

He's also trying to laugh.  It mostly just comes out as a big squeal, but I love it!

He just babbles a lot and it's awesome.

He's also just recently starting to try and roll over from his tummy to his back.

The other day I set him down for tummy time and went to get a drink.

When I came back he wasn't on the blanket and I couldn't see him!  My heart stopped a little.

As I rounded the couch more he was on his BACK and off the blanket!

It was definitely a fluke, but he's been trying mightily ever since to do it again.

It's quite amusing seeing his little body and brain trying so hard to roll.

He's also (as of today) starting to slightly reach for things.

He grabbed a monkey toy that I was holding in front of him and I immediately started crying.

Alex was excited to...but not to the point of tears.

I think sometimes my post partum emotions are more all over the place than my pregnancy hormones.

He still enjoys his bath time and kicks his legs up and down in his little tub seat.

However, getting dried off is hit or miss.  Sometimes he doesn't mind it, sometimes he cries the whole time.  We haven't quite figured out why that is...

As for me?

I'm doing a lot better.

Prayer is a real thing.

During that first month of his life I was in a constant prayer.

I didn't feel capable enough.

I didn't feel strong enough.

And I sure didn't feel like I could handle this whole "mother" thing.

But thankfully Heavenly Father has answered my prayers to give me the strength and love I needed.

Of course, I loved Kameron the whole time...but I just didn't have that "I LOVE BEING A MOTHER" thing that I felt everyone had.

But now?  So much better!

I truly love that little man so much more than I could've possibly ever imagined.

He's the best thing to happen to our home and I'm forever grateful to be his mom.

And every good post needs pictures of this cute boy....

6 Weeks of Pure Love.

Things are really starting to get better around here.

For the most part. :)

I still have my moments when I get a little overwhelmed, but usually I really enjoy this whole "motherhood" thing.

Kameron has become such a joy in our house.

He's really starting to show us his personality more and more.

I live for his little squeals and the hit or miss smiles he offers to us.

I can't wait for him to smile all the time because it's the cutest thing in the world.

This past Sunday he was blessed.

It was a beautiful blessing and I'm so grateful for how many people came to support us.

(And this isn't even everybody!)

And because he looked so handsome in his little white sweater suit...a photo shoot was a must. :)

 Remember this post?

Well our boys were finally able to meet and become besties.

Kameron was more interested in sleeping and Blake was more interested in his binky...but it's ok!  It's a step in the correct direction. :)

I know people say you forget how hard things were in the beginning and I used to think they were crazy.

But it's true!

I already forget how hard those first few weeks were with him.

I mean, I remember it being hard...but I don't remember just HOW hard I know it was.

If that makes sense?

Now I just love every little bit about that baby Kam.

A month long Mama!

Maybe someday in the future I'll blog about more than Kameron.

I see that more in the far distant future rather than the near distant future. :)

He kind of is my whole day, every day.  And you blog about what you think about and do and well...I think about Kameron when he's asleep and when he's awake I'm with him so....

Kam Kam is now a whole month old!

I feel like it went by fast, but also slow at the same time.

I think it's more the days are sometimes slow, but the weeks go by quickly.

In the last two weeks he's definitely matured a lot!

Sometimes it's hard to see when you're with him day in and day out, but when I look back on older pictures or read his 2 week blog, I realize how much he's changed already!

I also realize how much I've changed as well.

I too am maturing in this new role of mine.

It's still not easy by any means, but it's getting easiER.

*I'm more used to my slower paced, newborn mama life.

*I don't get QUITE as anxious every time he cries.

*And sometimes I laugh.  Yep...it's true.  Sometimes his face is so sad that it's funny.

MUCH better than when I would feel empty inside when his face would do that.

*I've mastered the fast, 3 min shower.

*I'm not as hard on my post partum body.  I need to remember it took 9 months to get like that...I shouldn't expect it to morph back overnight.

*That being said though...I'm anxious for my doctor to clear me exercising for real!

*I still value relationships and LOVE visitors!!

Kameron now:

*Has learned to love the bath.  Well...maybe I shouldn't use "love."  He tolerates it now!  Which is much better than the crying he used to do.

*Very light sleeper.  Which is slightly annoying.  It seems any change in noise or touch stirs him.  Sometimes it wakes him up...sometimes it doesn't.  I just hold my breath until I know.  I downloaded a white noise app on my old iPod touch to see if that will help him not hear every little thing going on!  Today's our first day...so hopefully we'll see some results!

*Loves to wiggle!  Sometimes he'll just lay across my lap for 30 minutes just moving away.

*Super strong!  He is almost a master at holding his neck up.  He still bobbles, but he's getting so strong!

*When laying on his tummy he can pick up his head and flip it over to the other side.  Sometimes he's not so successful when he has the binky in his mouth.  So he gets half way, is face down in the blanket, and starts moving his face side to side really fast and grunts.  It's quite entertaining.

*ALMOST smiling at us.  He kind of gets a half grin and makes this super cute squeal.

*Can follow our face with his eyes!  He still goes cross eyed from time to time, but his focus has really improved!

*Still just prefers to be cuddled over anything.  Most of the time I'm ok with, but when I'm trying to get things done it presents a challenge.

*We tried pretty much every swaddle blanket/accessory/item out there, but he would bust out of them all until thankfully my sister found us the Woombie!  It's amazing.  Some nights he doesn't even fight us on being put in it!  (Some nights he screams. :)

He still is just the sweetest thing and it's fun to see his personality starting to shine through more and more.  I'm trying to treasure this time, but I'm also so anxious for him to grow and learn so I can see what he will be like!

And if any one would like to come visit...feel free!  I LOVE VISITORS!

I love adult conversations. :) Kameron isn't much for conversing.

But I'm so thankful Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and is making motherhood more meaningful and joyful each and every day.

(Don't worry, I've already cried today when he kept waking up after a 10 min snooze...like 5 times...and then kept getting more and more overtired and crying crying crying...)

BUT...we're good. :)

It's crazy how much you can love a tiny little person.

And I sure do love my tiny man.

And my big man. :) Alex is still #1, even though some days I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.

I love those few minutes before we drift off to sleep more so than ever before since some days that's the most interaction we have with each other.

And in parting...this is Daphne, Chloe, and Kam.

Alex's two cousins had babies this summer too and they were all together yesterday for Daphne's blessing!

And remember how Kam is the youngest...but the biggest!  Haha.

Love that little tank!

Oh...and Kameron's getting blessed this Sunday!

Family is coming in!!  This will be the first time my daddy and my sister, Karly, will have seen Kam! 

I'm so excited to be around family for this special time.

The first 2 weeks.

Since this is slightly my journal too...this blog will involve a lot of Kameron from here on out.  But that's ok...he's cute. :)

In some ways time went by slow, but then when I look back I can't believe it's already been 2 and a half weeks since I birthed this little man.

Some times I really can't believe he is now forever a part of our lives and I'm so grateful for that.

I won't lie.  Being the mother of a newborn is hard.

Really hard.

(I'm sure all you mothers out there are like, "try being the mother of more than one child!)

BUT...in my defense this is my first.

And newborns are a lot more work than they look.

There's always something he needs.

And when he's taking a nap I just want to sleep as well.

Hence not much else getting accomplished.
I think Heavenly Father makes newborns so dependent so we learn how to 100% serve someone else.
The only thing I really do for myself these days is shower.
And even showering is WAY faster than it used to be.
Service is a quality we have to learn and he is definitely helping me develop that quality.

I really am just trying to enjoy every moment right now!

Everyone says this time goes by so quickly and that you'll actually miss them being this tiny.

I'm already feeling that!

He already isn't looking "as newborn" and that makes me a little sad.

So whenever I start to feel a little sleep deprived or miss my life of being out and about, I just look at his  tiny features.

I can't get enough of his pouty mouth, his little feet, or his squishy cheeks.

And every other part of him...

Once I look at those things it seems to put everything back in to perspective for me.

So here is what I've learned in the last few weeks:

*It's ok to slow down for awhile.

*It's ok to not do anything in a day besides soak every bit of Kameron in that I can.

*It IS possible to be more tired than I was during pregnancy.

*I somehow can function with that little sleep.

*Even though I'm exhausted I hear the tiniest noise Kam makes.

*Relationships are super important to me. (I already knew this, but now that I'm slightly house bound it's more apparent than ever.)

*Going on a walk every day is very important to maintaining my mental health.

*Even though I know I pushed him out of my body, I still can't believe he's mine.

Things I've learned about Kameron in the last few weeks:

*He eats A LOT. (And that was apparent at his check up when he weighed well over what they wanted him to be at.)

*He isn't a fan of being swaddled.  But we do it anyway during the night so he won't wake himself up with his flailing arms.

*He wants to be held constantly.

*He loves being outside...but gets the most sour face when the sun hits him directly.

*He hates getting his hair washed.

*If he looks like his brain is about to explode, he's trying mightily to fill his diaper.

*He loves being with daddy before bed.

And lastly...I've learned that he is the sweetest, cutest baby.

And I wouldn't trade him for the world.

I love my baby Kam Kam.

(this is when I was eating lunch with him all cuddled up next to me.  I dropped a carrot on his face.  Oops...sorry. :)

Kameron's Birth Story

I really don't know where to begin.

How do I put in to words the feelings I felt and the things I experienced while bringing Kameron to earth?

I will try my best, even though I know there really are no words in the dictionary to describe this story.

First, my doctor (Dr. Lamb) was retiring ON my due date of August 1.  After that date, he can no longer practice and would not be able to deliver my baby.  As the time was winding down I started to panic a little bit.  I REALLY wanted Dr. Lamb to deliver.   

Dr. Lamb is quite an amazing man.  He's kind, gentle, funny, considerate, and made us feel so at ease with this pregnancy.  To top it off, he and Alex are like 5th cousins...or something like that.  We figured that out at our first appointment and we've had a special connection ever since.  He helped me through placenta previa and I just knew I wanted him to be the first hands that touched our little man.  Dr. Lamb really wanted to deliver him too and told us he would be sad if he had to pass us on to another doctor when we were so close.

The only way to guarantee him delivering would be to induce me.  Weeks in advance, Dr. Lamb scheduled an induction for July 30 just in case.  However, since Dr. Lamb is so amazing...he doesn't mess with nature too much.  He is very much against inducing when the woman's body is totally NOT ready.  The only way he would allow us to induce was if my cervix was starting some sort of action.  So for the appointments leading up to my due date, he would check my cervix.  But nothing was really going on down there.  I was starting to get nervous.  I would pray all the time that either I would go in to labor on my own or that my cervix would do enough so that we could induce.  We had one last shot on Monday, July 29.  Alex and I went in to the office and Dr. Lamb checked my cervix.  His eyes lit up a little bit and said, "Well...there's been some change.  Get changed and we'll talk when I come back."  So the 3 of us discussed being induced, what that would mean, the different risks, etc.  Dr. Lamb told us to go home, talk about it more, and call him back.

So Alex and I started talking and praying about it.  We really took everything in to consideration and took it to the Lord.  We felt like inducing was the right thing for us to do and once we made the decision, it felt even better.  So I called Dr. Lamb back and confirmed.  Once it settled in, the rest of July 29 felt a little odd.  I couldn't believe this was the last day of it just being me and Alex.  Too bad he had to work...haha.  I spent the day with my mama.  We went and got mani/pedis, went to lunch, and I went by work to say goodbye to my girls.  When I got home I went up to Primary Children's Medical Center to visit my bestie, Brittany, since she's up there with her baby boy while he's recovering.  Then the night was drawing to a close and I knew I needed to go to sleep.

It's quite difficult to fall asleep when you KNOW what's going to happen in a few hours.

But I finally fell asleep.  I called Labor & Delivery in the morning and they told me to get there at 8:30.  So with all of our bags in tow, off we went to St. Mark's Hospital.  After signing a few things, I was led to my labor and delivery room.  The nurse got everything all set up and the pitocin started flowing at 9:30.  The monitor was showing immediately that my uterus was already contracting, but I just wasn't feeling it.  That made me so happy that my body was cooperating before the pitocin even started.

Alex and Mama were there with me and Krista dropped off a big basket of goodies before she headed to work.  Granted I couldn't eat it...but you better believe I enjoyed it once my baby was out! :)  The first 3-4 hours were pretty breezy.  My mama went and got some things for us, Alex took his online final, and I watched TV/walked around.  The nurse kept coming in and asking my pain level on a scale of 1-10.  She thought it was so funny I kept saying a .5 but I really wasn't feeling too much.  So they upped my pitocin and we watched "17 Again."  Dr. Lamb came in to check me twice during that first bit, but I wasn't progressing past a 1.  So he came in and broke my water.  He said, "I need you to feel some pain...but only because I like you."  Having your water break is quite the odd feeling.  Like you know you didn't pee your pants...but you're not too sure...all I know is that it was funny.  And every time I'd contract, more water would come flowin' on out.  I got to wear these awesome diapers.  Be jealous.

My pain finally went up to a 1.5-2ish.  I just felt like I was having some serious period cramping...nothing more.  This went on for another hour or two.  Up the pitocin.  Around 4pm, things started to pick up a bit.  I was still walking around or sitting in the rocking chair.  Krista came back from work and I remember my pain level was at a 4 when she arrived.  We popped in "Never Been Kissed."  (it's an awesome labor movie by the way...nice and funny. :)  Up the pitocin.  During that two hours, my contractions really started to get more painful.  I got a birthing ball to bounce/sit on and I had to start using my breathing techniques to get through the contractions.  I was also having back labor...which, well...sucks.

6:30pm ish-11:30pm ish kind of feels like a blur.  Well, maybe blur isn't the correct word.  It feels like a blur more in the way that I can't believe I felt pain like that.  They needed my contractions to get stronger and stay consistently that strong.  Boy, that pitocin sure does its job.  I could NOT have done it without my amazing family support!!  They took turns pushing on my back, making me drink fluids, and Krista gave me quite the awesome leg/foot rub.  

10:30-11:30 was an hour I will never forget, yet still feels like a dream.  I couldn't handle anything but being on the bed and on my side.  My contractions were coming about every 90 seconds and extremely strong so I had very little rest in between.  My nurse, Jody (who was awesome!), gave me a little pain killer in my IV to take the edge off.  It worked for maybe 2 contractions...haha.  I remember Krista rubbing my head, Alex stroking my legs, and then my mom playing with my hair.  I don't remember the order per say...but I remember those things.  I also remember Alex coming up by my face and the expression he had was one I'd never seen him have.  Maybe it was fear?  Helplessness?  With every contraction my breathing techniques were working less and less and less.  I never knew pain like that was possible.  I remember thinking to myself that this was how I was going to die.  No one could possibly survive pain like this.  I couldn't think straight any more.  I was succumbing to the contractions.  Then Krista said these glorious words, "Are you sure you don't want an epidural, Kayc?"  I literally had been in so much pain I had forgotten there was such a thing.  I immediately said yes and Mama went to go find Jody.  When they told me the anesthesiologist would be 5 minutes I didn't think I was even going to make it to then.  Krista then pulled me out of bed to stand for those last minutes before I wasn't allowed to.  I literally put all of my weight on her shoulders and she just held me.  I remember crying and telling her I couldn't do it.  Alex's face was even worse than earlier.  Krista told me I could do this, how strong I was, and how amazing I had been doing.  I think Mama gave me some fluids?

Then that glorious woman walked in the room with her epidural materials.  Krista and Alex went out in the hall and Mama held my hands.  Jody was in there assisting too.  I seriously barely felt anything the whole time she was putting it in because I was focusing so hard on breathing through the contractions.  When she was done I remember laying on my back and having Kris and Alex walk back in.  Then with every contraction, the pain got less and less.  Within 30 minutes I couldn't feel them anymore.  And thank goodness because I was so spent at this point.  Once I started falling asleep, my family dispersed to some areas to rest.  Alex slept in the recliner, Krista went down to her car, and my poor Mama got stuck with the rocking chair.  I'm not sure how much sleep she got.  I was in and out of sleep from 12:30am-4am.  Jody and Mama would move me every so often so help keep my body doing something and not just laying there.  Jody would check my cervix every so often and from 12:30-3:00 my cervix had only gone to a 4.  Then from 3:00-4:00am I went from a 4 to a 10!  I couldn't even believe it when Jody said I was at a 10.  She said she'd let Dr. Lamb know and that I'd probably start pushing in an hour.

When it was almost 5:00am Jody said we'd probably wait a little longer so my contractions could keep pushing the baby down so I wouldn't have to push as long.  Right then I started to feel nauseous and asked for a barf bag.  These barf bags are pretty high tech.  None of that wimpy paper stuff they put in the airplane seat pockets.  And thank goodness, because I threw up everything that was in me...which was mostly fluid.  Jody and Mama were so kind to help me in that very nasty time.  Haha.  I went through 2 and a half barf bags and felt a lot better.  A few minutes later Jody came in and said we were going to start pushing.  There was no need to wait any longer because me throwing up forced the baby down further.  She said one hurl is equal to about ten pushes so she was actually really happy for me that I got sick...ha.

So Krista and Mama stepped out in the hallway.  Alex had my right leg, Jody had my left leg, and I started pushing around 5:15am.  Dr. Lamb came in after a few pushes to see how everything was going.  After about ten minutes we could start to see the head.  I had them pull the mirror down from the ceiling so I could see.  Some people might think that's gross...but I loved it!  It was SO motivational.  With every push I could see his little head get a fraction closer.  Jody told me I was a good pusher!  Now maybe she tells that to everyone, but it made me feel good and want to keep doing well!  With every push I felt like my brain was going to explode!  Pushing was really taking it out of my already exhausted body.  

Finally his head was crowning and Dr. Lamb came back in.  Jody, Alex, and Dr. Lamb were amazing at helping me get this baby out!  I really did feel that with every push I was one step closer.  Dr. Lamb was still being his gentle, funny self.  He also had a surreal look on his face.  You could tell Dr. Lamb was taking everything in.  I was the last woman he would take care of.  Our baby was the last he would deliver in his 35 years of being an OB.  He had the most peaceful look on his face and you could just tell he was reflecting on his career as an amazing caregiver.  It made the feel of the room and the moment even better.  It also made me feel super grateful to be his patient...even more so than I already was.

Then we really started to get close and the pushing more intense.  His head was almost out!  Even as I was witnessing it, I couldn't believe my body was doing this!!  Then at 6:21am I watched in the mirror as Dr. Lamb ever so carefully helped my baby's head, then shoulders, then body and legs emerge from my body.  The relief in pressure and the surge of endorphins was indescribable.  There was nothing left to do but cry.  

He was here!  

Alex cut the cord and then my baby's little, tiny cries started to come.  They set him on my chest and wiped him off for a minute or so.  He had swallowed some fluid so they took him over to suction some of that out.  Alex went over there to talk to him and tell him he was ok.  Then they finished cleaning him up, weighed him, etc. while Dr. Lamb stitched me up.  I got to talk to Dr. Lamb just one on one while Alex was with the baby.  I really treasure that time.  He's such an amazing man.  I know...it's weird to think that you can bond with someone as they're sewing up your woman parts, but it wasn't odd at all.  

He weighed 8 lbs 1 ounce and was 20.5 inches long.  10 fingers, 10 toes...just a perfect, little bundle.  Dr. Lamb asked us his name.  So we revealed his name as Kameron Mark Foster.  (Mark is my daddy's name) Once he was all cleaned up, I sent Alex out to get my family.  He also called his family to share the news.  Then we got a lot of pictures with Dr. Lamb and Jody before they headed out.  I am so grateful Kameron was his last baby to deliver in his amazing career of 5,300+ babies delivered.  But also sad that none of my other children can be delivered by him.  Then it was time to head on up to my room.  I couldn't believe that after 21 hours, I finally had my sweet baby in my arms.

And ohh is he sweet.  Everything that is surgary goodness is Kameron.

(We're still working on him not keeping me up all night, but it's ok...we're figuring it out.)

I really did love my whole labor and delivery process.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done physically and mentally.  But I wouldn't change one thing.  It was the perfect experience for me and I'm so grateful Heavenly Father let me have that experience.  I think back on that time with fondness.  It's also pretty hard to not have a great experience when you get a little baby as your prize.

Time to go kiss those cheeks on Kam's face.

(P.S. If you're having a baby GET a "Pretty Pusher" and make sure your nails/toes are always done.  I got SO many compliments from the nurses that it really does make you feel better! :)