TWO MONTHS!

Kameron is a whole 2 months old!

I really can't believe how quickly this last month went!  Definitely faster than his first month of life. :)

I'm pretty sure that's due to him being SO much more interactive.

He seems to really know our faces and voices and gets all smiley a lot of the time.

His little smile seriously melts my heart.  I can't even handle it.

He's also trying to laugh.  It mostly just comes out as a big squeal, but I love it!

He just babbles a lot and it's awesome.

He's also just recently starting to try and roll over from his tummy to his back.

The other day I set him down for tummy time and went to get a drink.

When I came back he wasn't on the blanket and I couldn't see him!  My heart stopped a little.

As I rounded the couch more he was on his BACK and off the blanket!

It was definitely a fluke, but he's been trying mightily ever since to do it again.

It's quite amusing seeing his little body and brain trying so hard to roll.

He's also (as of today) starting to slightly reach for things.

He grabbed a monkey toy that I was holding in front of him and I immediately started crying.

Alex was excited to...but not to the point of tears.

I think sometimes my post partum emotions are more all over the place than my pregnancy hormones.

He still enjoys his bath time and kicks his legs up and down in his little tub seat.

However, getting dried off is hit or miss.  Sometimes he doesn't mind it, sometimes he cries the whole time.  We haven't quite figured out why that is...

As for me?

I'm doing a lot better.

Prayer is a real thing.

During that first month of his life I was in a constant prayer.

I didn't feel capable enough.

I didn't feel strong enough.

And I sure didn't feel like I could handle this whole "mother" thing.

But thankfully Heavenly Father has answered my prayers to give me the strength and love I needed.

Of course, I loved Kameron the whole time...but I just didn't have that "I LOVE BEING A MOTHER" thing that I felt everyone had.

But now?  So much better!

I truly love that little man so much more than I could've possibly ever imagined.

He's the best thing to happen to our home and I'm forever grateful to be his mom.

And every good post needs pictures of this cute boy....

6 Weeks of Pure Love.

Things are really starting to get better around here.

For the most part. :)

I still have my moments when I get a little overwhelmed, but usually I really enjoy this whole "motherhood" thing.

Kameron has become such a joy in our house.

He's really starting to show us his personality more and more.

I live for his little squeals and the hit or miss smiles he offers to us.

I can't wait for him to smile all the time because it's the cutest thing in the world.

This past Sunday he was blessed.

It was a beautiful blessing and I'm so grateful for how many people came to support us.

(And this isn't even everybody!)

And because he looked so handsome in his little white sweater suit...a photo shoot was a must. :)

 Remember this post?

Well our boys were finally able to meet and become besties.

Kameron was more interested in sleeping and Blake was more interested in his binky...but it's ok!  It's a step in the correct direction. :)

I know people say you forget how hard things were in the beginning and I used to think they were crazy.

But it's true!

I already forget how hard those first few weeks were with him.

I mean, I remember it being hard...but I don't remember just HOW hard I know it was.

If that makes sense?

Now I just love every little bit about that baby Kam.

A month long Mama!

Maybe someday in the future I'll blog about more than Kameron.

I see that more in the far distant future rather than the near distant future. :)

He kind of is my whole day, every day.  And you blog about what you think about and do and well...I think about Kameron when he's asleep and when he's awake I'm with him so....

Kam Kam is now a whole month old!

I feel like it went by fast, but also slow at the same time.

I think it's more the days are sometimes slow, but the weeks go by quickly.

In the last two weeks he's definitely matured a lot!

Sometimes it's hard to see when you're with him day in and day out, but when I look back on older pictures or read his 2 week blog, I realize how much he's changed already!

I also realize how much I've changed as well.

I too am maturing in this new role of mine.

It's still not easy by any means, but it's getting easiER.

*I'm more used to my slower paced, newborn mama life.

*I don't get QUITE as anxious every time he cries.

*And sometimes I laugh.  Yep...it's true.  Sometimes his face is so sad that it's funny.

MUCH better than when I would feel empty inside when his face would do that.

*I've mastered the fast, 3 min shower.

*I'm not as hard on my post partum body.  I need to remember it took 9 months to get like that...I shouldn't expect it to morph back overnight.

*That being said though...I'm anxious for my doctor to clear me exercising for real!

*I still value relationships and LOVE visitors!!

Kameron now:

*Has learned to love the bath.  Well...maybe I shouldn't use "love."  He tolerates it now!  Which is much better than the crying he used to do.

*Very light sleeper.  Which is slightly annoying.  It seems any change in noise or touch stirs him.  Sometimes it wakes him up...sometimes it doesn't.  I just hold my breath until I know.  I downloaded a white noise app on my old iPod touch to see if that will help him not hear every little thing going on!  Today's our first day...so hopefully we'll see some results!

*Loves to wiggle!  Sometimes he'll just lay across my lap for 30 minutes just moving away.

*Super strong!  He is almost a master at holding his neck up.  He still bobbles, but he's getting so strong!

*When laying on his tummy he can pick up his head and flip it over to the other side.  Sometimes he's not so successful when he has the binky in his mouth.  So he gets half way, is face down in the blanket, and starts moving his face side to side really fast and grunts.  It's quite entertaining.

*ALMOST smiling at us.  He kind of gets a half grin and makes this super cute squeal.

*Can follow our face with his eyes!  He still goes cross eyed from time to time, but his focus has really improved!

*Still just prefers to be cuddled over anything.  Most of the time I'm ok with, but when I'm trying to get things done it presents a challenge.

*We tried pretty much every swaddle blanket/accessory/item out there, but he would bust out of them all until thankfully my sister found us the Woombie!  It's amazing.  Some nights he doesn't even fight us on being put in it!  (Some nights he screams. :)

He still is just the sweetest thing and it's fun to see his personality starting to shine through more and more.  I'm trying to treasure this time, but I'm also so anxious for him to grow and learn so I can see what he will be like!

And if any one would like to come visit...feel free!  I LOVE VISITORS!

I love adult conversations. :) Kameron isn't much for conversing.

But I'm so thankful Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and is making motherhood more meaningful and joyful each and every day.

(Don't worry, I've already cried today when he kept waking up after a 10 min snooze...like 5 times...and then kept getting more and more overtired and crying crying crying...)

BUT...we're good. :)

It's crazy how much you can love a tiny little person.

And I sure do love my tiny man.

And my big man. :) Alex is still #1, even though some days I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.

I love those few minutes before we drift off to sleep more so than ever before since some days that's the most interaction we have with each other.

And in parting...this is Daphne, Chloe, and Kam.

Alex's two cousins had babies this summer too and they were all together yesterday for Daphne's blessing!

And remember how Kam is the youngest...but the biggest!  Haha.

Love that little tank!

Oh...and Kameron's getting blessed this Sunday!

Family is coming in!!  This will be the first time my daddy and my sister, Karly, will have seen Kam! 

I'm so excited to be around family for this special time.

The first 2 weeks.

Since this is slightly my journal too...this blog will involve a lot of Kameron from here on out.  But that's ok...he's cute. :)

In some ways time went by slow, but then when I look back I can't believe it's already been 2 and a half weeks since I birthed this little man.

Some times I really can't believe he is now forever a part of our lives and I'm so grateful for that.

I won't lie.  Being the mother of a newborn is hard.

Really hard.

(I'm sure all you mothers out there are like, "try being the mother of more than one child!)

BUT...in my defense this is my first.

And newborns are a lot more work than they look.

There's always something he needs.

And when he's taking a nap I just want to sleep as well.

Hence not much else getting accomplished.
I think Heavenly Father makes newborns so dependent so we learn how to 100% serve someone else.
The only thing I really do for myself these days is shower.
And even showering is WAY faster than it used to be.
Service is a quality we have to learn and he is definitely helping me develop that quality.

I really am just trying to enjoy every moment right now!

Everyone says this time goes by so quickly and that you'll actually miss them being this tiny.

I'm already feeling that!

He already isn't looking "as newborn" and that makes me a little sad.

So whenever I start to feel a little sleep deprived or miss my life of being out and about, I just look at his  tiny features.

I can't get enough of his pouty mouth, his little feet, or his squishy cheeks.

And every other part of him...

Once I look at those things it seems to put everything back in to perspective for me.

So here is what I've learned in the last few weeks:

*It's ok to slow down for awhile.

*It's ok to not do anything in a day besides soak every bit of Kameron in that I can.

*It IS possible to be more tired than I was during pregnancy.

*I somehow can function with that little sleep.

*Even though I'm exhausted I hear the tiniest noise Kam makes.

*Relationships are super important to me. (I already knew this, but now that I'm slightly house bound it's more apparent than ever.)

*Going on a walk every day is very important to maintaining my mental health.

*Even though I know I pushed him out of my body, I still can't believe he's mine.

Things I've learned about Kameron in the last few weeks:

*He eats A LOT. (And that was apparent at his check up when he weighed well over what they wanted him to be at.)

*He isn't a fan of being swaddled.  But we do it anyway during the night so he won't wake himself up with his flailing arms.

*He wants to be held constantly.

*He loves being outside...but gets the most sour face when the sun hits him directly.

*He hates getting his hair washed.

*If he looks like his brain is about to explode, he's trying mightily to fill his diaper.

*He loves being with daddy before bed.

And lastly...I've learned that he is the sweetest, cutest baby.

And I wouldn't trade him for the world.

I love my baby Kam Kam.

(this is when I was eating lunch with him all cuddled up next to me.  I dropped a carrot on his face.  Oops...sorry. :)

Kameron's Birth Story

I really don't know where to begin.

How do I put in to words the feelings I felt and the things I experienced while bringing Kameron to earth?

I will try my best, even though I know there really are no words in the dictionary to describe this story.

First, my doctor (Dr. Lamb) was retiring ON my due date of August 1.  After that date, he can no longer practice and would not be able to deliver my baby.  As the time was winding down I started to panic a little bit.  I REALLY wanted Dr. Lamb to deliver.   

Dr. Lamb is quite an amazing man.  He's kind, gentle, funny, considerate, and made us feel so at ease with this pregnancy.  To top it off, he and Alex are like 5th cousins...or something like that.  We figured that out at our first appointment and we've had a special connection ever since.  He helped me through placenta previa and I just knew I wanted him to be the first hands that touched our little man.  Dr. Lamb really wanted to deliver him too and told us he would be sad if he had to pass us on to another doctor when we were so close.

The only way to guarantee him delivering would be to induce me.  Weeks in advance, Dr. Lamb scheduled an induction for July 30 just in case.  However, since Dr. Lamb is so amazing...he doesn't mess with nature too much.  He is very much against inducing when the woman's body is totally NOT ready.  The only way he would allow us to induce was if my cervix was starting some sort of action.  So for the appointments leading up to my due date, he would check my cervix.  But nothing was really going on down there.  I was starting to get nervous.  I would pray all the time that either I would go in to labor on my own or that my cervix would do enough so that we could induce.  We had one last shot on Monday, July 29.  Alex and I went in to the office and Dr. Lamb checked my cervix.  His eyes lit up a little bit and said, "Well...there's been some change.  Get changed and we'll talk when I come back."  So the 3 of us discussed being induced, what that would mean, the different risks, etc.  Dr. Lamb told us to go home, talk about it more, and call him back.

So Alex and I started talking and praying about it.  We really took everything in to consideration and took it to the Lord.  We felt like inducing was the right thing for us to do and once we made the decision, it felt even better.  So I called Dr. Lamb back and confirmed.  Once it settled in, the rest of July 29 felt a little odd.  I couldn't believe this was the last day of it just being me and Alex.  Too bad he had to work...haha.  I spent the day with my mama.  We went and got mani/pedis, went to lunch, and I went by work to say goodbye to my girls.  When I got home I went up to Primary Children's Medical Center to visit my bestie, Brittany, since she's up there with her baby boy while he's recovering.  Then the night was drawing to a close and I knew I needed to go to sleep.

It's quite difficult to fall asleep when you KNOW what's going to happen in a few hours.

But I finally fell asleep.  I called Labor & Delivery in the morning and they told me to get there at 8:30.  So with all of our bags in tow, off we went to St. Mark's Hospital.  After signing a few things, I was led to my labor and delivery room.  The nurse got everything all set up and the pitocin started flowing at 9:30.  The monitor was showing immediately that my uterus was already contracting, but I just wasn't feeling it.  That made me so happy that my body was cooperating before the pitocin even started.

Alex and Mama were there with me and Krista dropped off a big basket of goodies before she headed to work.  Granted I couldn't eat it...but you better believe I enjoyed it once my baby was out! :)  The first 3-4 hours were pretty breezy.  My mama went and got some things for us, Alex took his online final, and I watched TV/walked around.  The nurse kept coming in and asking my pain level on a scale of 1-10.  She thought it was so funny I kept saying a .5 but I really wasn't feeling too much.  So they upped my pitocin and we watched "17 Again."  Dr. Lamb came in to check me twice during that first bit, but I wasn't progressing past a 1.  So he came in and broke my water.  He said, "I need you to feel some pain...but only because I like you."  Having your water break is quite the odd feeling.  Like you know you didn't pee your pants...but you're not too sure...all I know is that it was funny.  And every time I'd contract, more water would come flowin' on out.  I got to wear these awesome diapers.  Be jealous.

My pain finally went up to a 1.5-2ish.  I just felt like I was having some serious period cramping...nothing more.  This went on for another hour or two.  Up the pitocin.  Around 4pm, things started to pick up a bit.  I was still walking around or sitting in the rocking chair.  Krista came back from work and I remember my pain level was at a 4 when she arrived.  We popped in "Never Been Kissed."  (it's an awesome labor movie by the way...nice and funny. :)  Up the pitocin.  During that two hours, my contractions really started to get more painful.  I got a birthing ball to bounce/sit on and I had to start using my breathing techniques to get through the contractions.  I was also having back labor...which, well...sucks.

6:30pm ish-11:30pm ish kind of feels like a blur.  Well, maybe blur isn't the correct word.  It feels like a blur more in the way that I can't believe I felt pain like that.  They needed my contractions to get stronger and stay consistently that strong.  Boy, that pitocin sure does its job.  I could NOT have done it without my amazing family support!!  They took turns pushing on my back, making me drink fluids, and Krista gave me quite the awesome leg/foot rub.  

10:30-11:30 was an hour I will never forget, yet still feels like a dream.  I couldn't handle anything but being on the bed and on my side.  My contractions were coming about every 90 seconds and extremely strong so I had very little rest in between.  My nurse, Jody (who was awesome!), gave me a little pain killer in my IV to take the edge off.  It worked for maybe 2 contractions...haha.  I remember Krista rubbing my head, Alex stroking my legs, and then my mom playing with my hair.  I don't remember the order per say...but I remember those things.  I also remember Alex coming up by my face and the expression he had was one I'd never seen him have.  Maybe it was fear?  Helplessness?  With every contraction my breathing techniques were working less and less and less.  I never knew pain like that was possible.  I remember thinking to myself that this was how I was going to die.  No one could possibly survive pain like this.  I couldn't think straight any more.  I was succumbing to the contractions.  Then Krista said these glorious words, "Are you sure you don't want an epidural, Kayc?"  I literally had been in so much pain I had forgotten there was such a thing.  I immediately said yes and Mama went to go find Jody.  When they told me the anesthesiologist would be 5 minutes I didn't think I was even going to make it to then.  Krista then pulled me out of bed to stand for those last minutes before I wasn't allowed to.  I literally put all of my weight on her shoulders and she just held me.  I remember crying and telling her I couldn't do it.  Alex's face was even worse than earlier.  Krista told me I could do this, how strong I was, and how amazing I had been doing.  I think Mama gave me some fluids?

Then that glorious woman walked in the room with her epidural materials.  Krista and Alex went out in the hall and Mama held my hands.  Jody was in there assisting too.  I seriously barely felt anything the whole time she was putting it in because I was focusing so hard on breathing through the contractions.  When she was done I remember laying on my back and having Kris and Alex walk back in.  Then with every contraction, the pain got less and less.  Within 30 minutes I couldn't feel them anymore.  And thank goodness because I was so spent at this point.  Once I started falling asleep, my family dispersed to some areas to rest.  Alex slept in the recliner, Krista went down to her car, and my poor Mama got stuck with the rocking chair.  I'm not sure how much sleep she got.  I was in and out of sleep from 12:30am-4am.  Jody and Mama would move me every so often so help keep my body doing something and not just laying there.  Jody would check my cervix every so often and from 12:30-3:00 my cervix had only gone to a 4.  Then from 3:00-4:00am I went from a 4 to a 10!  I couldn't even believe it when Jody said I was at a 10.  She said she'd let Dr. Lamb know and that I'd probably start pushing in an hour.

When it was almost 5:00am Jody said we'd probably wait a little longer so my contractions could keep pushing the baby down so I wouldn't have to push as long.  Right then I started to feel nauseous and asked for a barf bag.  These barf bags are pretty high tech.  None of that wimpy paper stuff they put in the airplane seat pockets.  And thank goodness, because I threw up everything that was in me...which was mostly fluid.  Jody and Mama were so kind to help me in that very nasty time.  Haha.  I went through 2 and a half barf bags and felt a lot better.  A few minutes later Jody came in and said we were going to start pushing.  There was no need to wait any longer because me throwing up forced the baby down further.  She said one hurl is equal to about ten pushes so she was actually really happy for me that I got sick...ha.

So Krista and Mama stepped out in the hallway.  Alex had my right leg, Jody had my left leg, and I started pushing around 5:15am.  Dr. Lamb came in after a few pushes to see how everything was going.  After about ten minutes we could start to see the head.  I had them pull the mirror down from the ceiling so I could see.  Some people might think that's gross...but I loved it!  It was SO motivational.  With every push I could see his little head get a fraction closer.  Jody told me I was a good pusher!  Now maybe she tells that to everyone, but it made me feel good and want to keep doing well!  With every push I felt like my brain was going to explode!  Pushing was really taking it out of my already exhausted body.  

Finally his head was crowning and Dr. Lamb came back in.  Jody, Alex, and Dr. Lamb were amazing at helping me get this baby out!  I really did feel that with every push I was one step closer.  Dr. Lamb was still being his gentle, funny self.  He also had a surreal look on his face.  You could tell Dr. Lamb was taking everything in.  I was the last woman he would take care of.  Our baby was the last he would deliver in his 35 years of being an OB.  He had the most peaceful look on his face and you could just tell he was reflecting on his career as an amazing caregiver.  It made the feel of the room and the moment even better.  It also made me feel super grateful to be his patient...even more so than I already was.

Then we really started to get close and the pushing more intense.  His head was almost out!  Even as I was witnessing it, I couldn't believe my body was doing this!!  Then at 6:21am I watched in the mirror as Dr. Lamb ever so carefully helped my baby's head, then shoulders, then body and legs emerge from my body.  The relief in pressure and the surge of endorphins was indescribable.  There was nothing left to do but cry.  

He was here!  

Alex cut the cord and then my baby's little, tiny cries started to come.  They set him on my chest and wiped him off for a minute or so.  He had swallowed some fluid so they took him over to suction some of that out.  Alex went over there to talk to him and tell him he was ok.  Then they finished cleaning him up, weighed him, etc. while Dr. Lamb stitched me up.  I got to talk to Dr. Lamb just one on one while Alex was with the baby.  I really treasure that time.  He's such an amazing man.  I know...it's weird to think that you can bond with someone as they're sewing up your woman parts, but it wasn't odd at all.  

He weighed 8 lbs 1 ounce and was 20.5 inches long.  10 fingers, 10 toes...just a perfect, little bundle.  Dr. Lamb asked us his name.  So we revealed his name as Kameron Mark Foster.  (Mark is my daddy's name) Once he was all cleaned up, I sent Alex out to get my family.  He also called his family to share the news.  Then we got a lot of pictures with Dr. Lamb and Jody before they headed out.  I am so grateful Kameron was his last baby to deliver in his amazing career of 5,300+ babies delivered.  But also sad that none of my other children can be delivered by him.  Then it was time to head on up to my room.  I couldn't believe that after 21 hours, I finally had my sweet baby in my arms.

And ohh is he sweet.  Everything that is surgary goodness is Kameron.

(We're still working on him not keeping me up all night, but it's ok...we're figuring it out.)

I really did love my whole labor and delivery process.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done physically and mentally.  But I wouldn't change one thing.  It was the perfect experience for me and I'm so grateful Heavenly Father let me have that experience.  I think back on that time with fondness.  It's also pretty hard to not have a great experience when you get a little baby as your prize.

Time to go kiss those cheeks on Kam's face.

(P.S. If you're having a baby GET a "Pretty Pusher" and make sure your nails/toes are always done.  I got SO many compliments from the nurses that it really does make you feel better! :)   

Last Day Pregnant.

Well folks...

I'm getting induced tomorrow.

It was a slightly long process of praying and talking to one another, but we've come to the conclusion that we feel good about it and are going for it.

Obviously it's all super exciting!!

But once it settled in more it got me thinking, "wow...this is my last day being pregnant.  This is my last day being able to go wherever whenever.  This is my last day not being completely and utterly smitten by a tiny, little soul.  Have I done everything I wanted to do?  Have I 'lived my life?'"

And the answer is: Yes.  Yes I have.

I know I'm sure I will go through some sort of identity crisis when I'm home and have a screaming baby, but overall I feel pretty good.

Up to this point, I've had an awesome life.

I've graduated high school.

I went to the college of my dreams.

I graduated from the college of my dreams.

I went on girl trips, went home for paradise summers, and worked at my favorite church youth camp for 5 years.

I've gotten promoted twice at my current job and while being there have witnessed multiple miracles.

And of course I married my handsome man who loves me bounteously.

The biggest concern he had while figuring out to induce tomorrow was "I want to make sure you'll be ok and that you have the experience that YOU want."

What a guy.

Love that Alex.

So yes.

I have lived my life.  And I've loved it.

Yes, my life will drastically change.

OUR lives will drastically change.

But when we were deciding to get pregnant, we knew it was the next step in our lives and we strongly felt like we were doing the right thing.

So here we go on our next adventure!

I can't wait to kiss the little face that is currently in my belly.

I already love him so.

(now off to get a mani and pedi so I'll at least have some good looking nails amidst all the laborness.)

Spirit Guide

It's no secret that I love my job.

Love it to the point of obsession...and here's one more reason why.

Every year New Haven goes on a river rafting trip for one of the weekends when parents come out to visit their girls.

That annual weekend was about a month ago.

I was able to go, but just couldn't be in the fun, battling rafts since it can get a little crazy trying to commandeer the fellow rafts.

It was quite sad, but I still had an awesome time going down the river and camping with my girls and their families.

Also on this trip, there is a special ceremony where the girls get their animal spirit guides.

If you've seen the movie "Brother Bear" you have somewhat an idea of what I'm talking about.

A spirit guide is an animal that has characteristics like you.

There are things within the animal that others may see, but you haven't yet seen in yourself.

Sometimes the animal shows up in your life more frequently than other times.

This animal is supposed to help remind you of where you need to be, what you need to work on, and how you can be the most happy.

The guide is always picked by someone who is close to you, knows you really well, and usually has some sort of authority.

The girls really enjoy receiving them and a lot of them really connect with the animal.

After the ceremony and everyone went to bed, the staff had a mini ceremony of our own to receive our spirit guides.

Of course you start to speculate what animal you'll receive.

I really wanted the dolphin because it's my favorite animal.

Or the cougar would've been fun since I went to BYU.

When it was my turn, however, the animal I received had never crossed my mind.

My supervisor called me up and started talking about all of the animal qualities that my guide embodies and how my co-workers can see those qualities within me.

Then he said my guide:

The dragonfly.

And I love it.

Absolutely love it.

Here is the description of what being a dragonfly means:

"The dragonfly has many things to teach you with many powerful symbols and abilities.  They inhabit two realms: water and air.  This is symbolic of your ability, with practice, to achieve balance between the mental and emotional states, bringing peace to the past and present.  They are hatched underwater and remain there for the first 4-5 years of life.  At that time a major transformation takes place in their bodies.  They climb out of the water and shed their old skin and their bodies become long and slender and 4 large wings emerge.  This drastic change reminds you of your ability to change yourself in ways that may appear impossible at first thought.

The dragonfly has 2 very large eyes on each side of its head.  Each eye is divided into 2 section that can look in different directions.  One can look up for danger while the other looks down for food.  Each eye has 28,000 lenses which increase its ability to focus.  A dragonfly can focus in on a mosquito flying 20 feet away and catch it with its legs.  The dragonfly's sharp sight and depth perception has led to the belief that it can help you gain greater perspective and see past the illusions in your life to a clear picture of the truth about yourself and the past.

Its 4 wings can flap in 4 different directions at the same time allowing it to change directions, stop, hover, or fly backwards in an instant.  The dragonfly has been clocked at speeds of 60 miles per hour.  Scientists have tried for decades to duplicate the flying capabilities of the dragonfly and have not even come close.  To the dragonfly, this impossibility is reality.  The dragonfly teaches you to never accept 'I can't' as a  motto for life.  Let the dragonfly guide you as your learn that you can."

There literally is 2-3 full pages describing the dragonfly, but those are some of the mini highlights.

I love the qualities of this beautiful insect and want to strive to always emulate them.

You can tell you're not living in harmony with your guide when you are unhappy.

You have to refocus and get back in line to have the most success.

I also received a necklace with a dragonfly on it and I now wear it all the time.

I've also become obsessed with trying to find one!

So next time you see one...think of me. :)

Letter to 17-year-old Me.

I love me some country music.

I love me some Brad Paisley.

On the way home from work I was listening to said B. Paisley and on came his song "Letter to Me."

If you've never heard it...go do so.

It's great.

In it he writes a letter to his 17-yr-old self.

I've heard it lots of times before, but this time I started to think more about myself at 17.

And then I decided to follow Brad's lead and write to 17-yr-old Kaycie.

Hello Kaycie,

It's me...Kaycie.

(I'm starting to feel awkward.......

I'll finish it anyway.....)

Right now it's 2013 and oh how much will your life change from where it's currently at in 2004.

First things first: you're so beautiful with those big, brown eyes and thick, brown hair.

So since you are...QUIT plucking your eyebrows so dang thin and QUIT putting blonde highlights in your hair.  It looks bad.  So just stop.

You're not fat.  You're so far from fat it's ridiculous.  Quit comparing yourself to the twigs in your ballet class.  Your body was made for other styles of dance.

Enjoy being a size 5.  The birthing hips will come in your Freshman year.

Don't feel bad that you don't get asked to come to the school parties.  They DO NOT matter so keep enjoying your time at home with your parents on those Friday nights.

Be more thankful for the paradise you live in.  There are no beaches where you currently are!

Most of your friends will fade.  Keep spending quality time with them, but just don't think they will last forever.  The most important friendships will last.  

Which leads me to Katie Claire and Brittany.  Good thing you love them so much because they're not going anywhere.

Enjoy free room and board while you can.  Life starts handing you bills.

Your first kiss will be "meh" or "blah" or any other non exciting word you want to put there.

Your second kiss though...that'll be fun at the time.  So just enjoy.

Take some tumbling classes now.  You'll be a better hip hop teacher in the future for it.

Keep being honest with your parents.  You get more privileges that way.

Thankfully you already know this, but, keep being an example at school.  You will receive the kindest compliments in your yearbook and the nicest notes from your classmates expressing their appreciation for it.

When you get to college...soak in EVERY LAST BIT while you're there.  You're going to miss it more than you realize once you graduate.

Don't feel bad when you never get asked out at BYU.  I know, I know...it's BYU...isn't it branded for that sort of thing?  One would think.  But you don't need any of the guys there romantically so it just doesn't matter.

Well...I guess I ruined that surprise.  Yes, you will get in to BYU!  All of your hard work will pay off.

Cutting your hair to your ears may sound like a good idea at the time.  But it's not.  I repeat.  IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA!

I won't ruin all of college for you...but just be flexible.  Your college life will end up being far more fulfilling than you ever realize because of flexibility in your plans.

Besides all of that...you're doing pretty good for a 17-yr-old!  Your life is actually quite fun, you go to a great school, you're happy & talented...consider yourself lucky.

Lastly, you're going to go through something hard.  So excruciatingly hard.  So hard that you'll wonder if you even still have a soul at times.  But if you stay close to the Lord you will get through it.  I promise.  You won't get through it quickly...but you'll find yourself triumphant on the other side and it will all make sense.

It will all make sense because Heavenly Father has an amazing life planned for you.

(Well...up to 26, but I'm sure it's planned out to be amazing beyond 26.)

He will bless you with someone far more loving and honorable than you ever could have imagined.

He will bless you with someone who will cherish you so so much.

He will bless you with someone who has the same life goals and will help you accomplish those goals.

I won't tell you his name, how you meet, how you fall in love, or what you're doing now...but just know you're in for quite a treat and you will thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing you so.

Enjoy Senior Year and eat as much Rita's Italian Ice as you can!

-2013 Kaycie

Grow Old With You

The other day at work I witnessed something that really made me so happy.

The campus I work at is currently building us a new school house so in the mornings right now we take the girls to the local community gym for PE.

Every so often the PE teacher lets the girls pick what they want to do for the week.

Some of my girls wanted to go swimming so off we went to the pool area.

There's always a fair amount of old people doing water aerobics or just walking up and down the length of the pool.

One of the pools is right across from this giant jacuzzi.

Towards the beginning of PE I had watched an older couple enter the pool deck together.

The man had gotten out of the pool and headed to the jacuzzi sooner than his wife.

She was taking a breather and was right by the little bit of deck between the pool and jacuzzi with her back turned away from her husband.

I just watched as his eyes lit up that his wife was nearby and then watched how his brain thought of how to get her attention.

So what does any boy do?

Splash water of course!

So for about 3 mins I watched his frail, little arms attempt time and time again to splash water on her.

Sometimes he couldn't even get it out of the jacuzzi.

Sometimes he only got the water 3 inches out.

Every so often he would finally get her, but she didn't even notice.

So...he'd try again.  And again.  And again.

Until she finally noticed, turned around, gave him a little scolding look that immediately turned in to a smile.

He smiled back at her.

And then off she went doing her exercises while he just watched her.

They looked a little something like this (except imagine swimming gear and a pool instead of clothes and a hammock...but you get the gist):

At first I was just happy I was able to watch that interaction from afar.

But then it really got me to thinking (in between telling my girls floating is not exercising so get goin' on those laps) how grateful I am to have someone to grow old with like that couple.

I'm fairly certain Alex and I will have similar interactions in 50+ years.

We already do annoying cute things to get each other's attention.

If I ever stopped tickling him when he least expects it...he'd miss it.

If he ever stopped curling up in my lap like a cat...I'd miss it.

(You can imagine how awesome it is for a 6'3" tall man to curl up in my lap.  This baby bump has made it even more interesting.)

I sure do love this man of mine and can only hope and pray that the life Heavenly Father has planned for us involves wrinkly skin, white hair, and hands clasped with Mr. Foster.

And just because you've probably already been singing this song...here it is for your viewing pleasure:

A real life miracle

Not that I didn't already believe miracles can happen in our lives, but I know more than ever that miracles are real.

And to me and my growing family...this miracle is just as real as parting the Red Sea.

Alex and I went in for an ultrasound to check up on my placenta.

Obviously it's also a plus to see our little man!

We went in with the attitude that most likely the placenta had not moved from my cervix opening.

My doctor had just been very realistic and kept telling us at our check ups that the likelihood of it moving was slim to none.

In all of his years delivering babies (which is upwards of 35 years) he has rarely seen a complete placenta previa move.

So more or less we have just been praying that my body would be a good home for our son and that everything with my pregnancy would go as smooth as it could.

Well...we get in there and the nurse brings us back.

She squirted the warm goo on my belly and off we were to seeing the innards of my belly.

She went ahead and went straight to my cervix so that the baby could be more of the highlight of this visit.

She pointed out my cervix and as I'm looking at it I'm thinking, "There's nothing blocking it.  But maybe I'm seeing it wrong."

After studying it for a few seconds our nurse pointed out where my placenta was and it was NOT blocking my cervix!

It kind of had to sink in before I actually realized what she had said.

I could not believe it!

It felt like I was living in a dream and that I would wake up and she would actually tell me it had not moved.

But oh was it real!

She measured how far away it was and it was measuring 3 centimeters.

When delivering they want the placenta at least 2 centimeters away so not only had it moved from the opening, but it moved even further than expected!

I was just in shock the whole time, but more than anything I felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude.

I could not believe that I was one of the lucky few in this world that recovers from placenta previa.

She then of course showed us our baby boy.

His heart was beating just great, his blood vessels were bringing blood in and out, he had all of his toes...he's just this perfect little human.

His face is the cutest though...of course. :)

And he had his little hands crossed right underneath his chin.

Talk about break your heart!  He has already smitten us.

Afterwards my doctor called me when he got the ultrasound results.

He was dumbfounded.  He said he was really shocked and that someone up above must love me a lot.

He then told me I could live a normal life now and do everything I haven't been able to do!

It was such an amazing feeling to be released from being a prisoner within my own body!

More than anything it's amazing to not worry.

I had been doing a lot better with not worrying so much, but obviously it still crept in fairly frequently.

Within that next day I was able to run around with my niece, go on a walk, and just live care free.

So care free I decided to use my sister's stairs as a slide. (that one was not on purpose.)

I am so grateful for all of the family and friend prayers sent up above both in our homes and in the temples.

I know that was a huge part, if not the main part, of why my placenta moved.

Heavenly Father works in amazing ways and I'm so overwhelmingly blessed that He decided to work a miracle within me.

I suppose two miracles have happened within me since our little man is such a miracle in and of itself.