Hourglass.

This morning I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

I can't even explain it really.

All I know is that I was really happy, humble, and grateful all at once.

The morning hours are some of my favorite times with Kameron.

He's well rested, so happy, and just loves life.

This morning when everyone had gone to work I finished up the dishes while he babbled away in his high chair and then we migrated on over to the family room to play with his toys.

After many attempts to crawl and opening and closing the gator's mouth 5,694 times he started to get tired.

When he gets tired he buries his face into my leg and whines.

It's part pitiful and part hysterical.

So I picked him up, sat down on the couch, and held him.

He then plopped that thumb of his in his mouth, snuggled on into my chest, and was...(wait for it)...still.

I was in pure shock.

He NEVER cuddles like that anymore.

He has become far too interested in the world to be inhibited by snuggles.

Once the shock wore off I was in pure heaven.

I never wanted it to end.

While we were snuggling Mindy Gledhill's chorus to her song "Hourglass"was on repeat in my head.

"When you reach for the stars,
don't forget who you are.
And please don't turn around and grow up way too fast.
See the sand in my grasp?
 From the first to the last, every grain becomes a memory of the past.
Oh, life's an hourglass.
Life's an hourglass."

It was quite literally one of my favorite moments in my entire life.

After about 10 mins he was about to lose it and was begging to be put to sleep.

So then I got to nurse my sweet babe to dreamland and all the while thank my Father in Heaven for sending me such a perfect little human to love.

Kameron Mark really is my favorite little dude.

Kameron's Half Birthday!

K, but seriously.

How in the world is my baby 6 months old?!?

The first month of his life I thought was never going to end (:\) and now it's just flying!

Kameron has turned into quite the active one!

He just wants to bounce, wiggle, roll, and stand.

And he's pretty strong!  So my days of being able to multi task while holding him are long gone.  If only he knew what was awaiting him when he tries to leap off of my lap!

He has gone from his little baby laughs to real laughing!

It's seriously my favorite thing in the entire world.

Speaking of laughing...he's ticklish on his feet, inner thighs, and his ribcage.

We have some nasty teething pain going on every few days...but those little buggers have not arrived yet!  I have a feeling we're in for a long haul...

Kameron definitely loves his thumb.  He's started taking a binky though, which is new!  He hasn't really been a fan of them, but when his mouth hurts he loves it and sometimes it's the only thing that calms him down.

He still loves his bouncy chair and has figured out that the seat turns 360 degrees giving him a whole new perspective about one of his favorite toys!

We have started going to a music class.  It's for kids ages newborn-5.  For 45 minutes we sing, play instruments, dance, and chant.  Kameron loves it!  His favorite parts are the welcome song, the sticks, and dancing!  His least favorite part is when the sticks get put away.  Haha

He's also started swimming lessons!  He absolutely loves water!  He was kicking and just wanting to do everything the teacher was having them do!  He was about ready for me to let go of him so he could head out.  Sorry, Kam.  Mama's not quite ready for that!  The teacher told me after that he was a real water baby and would probably be a really great swimmer with how he was responding to the baby exercises.  Who knows if she tells that to everyone, but Alex was pretty pleased since he played water sports. :)

His days of being able to sleep in public long and hard are over.  He gets so distracted by everything that he has a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep.

His latest obsession is my water bottle.  He wants it over ANY toy.  He doesn't understand why he can't have it all the time so my sweet baby turns into a banshee when he can't lift it up since it's so full.

We've also started to get the hang of sitting up.  He does really well until he flaps his arms or tries to grab something.  Then he just tumbles.  We're working on it...

The problem is he just wants to stand all the time so it's difficult getting him to even want to practice sitting!

He's tried rice cereal, avocados, apples, sweet potatoes, squash, and bananas.

He hasn't hated any of them, but he definitely prefers avocados and apples.

He finally is starting to actually have more hair than just a little fuzz!

It's kind of exciting and kind of sad.

Since birth he's just had this little fuzz head and now it's actually sprouting people hairs!

He was in 9 month clothing before he was 5.5 months.

Still a chunk.

We have our appointment this week so I'm not sure how long he is or how much he weighs, but I can assure you it's a lot. (My lower back can testify.)

We recently got a high chair to put in the eating/kitchen area.  It's been a dream!

He likes sitting in it since he can play with some toys, but also be up with all the action.

He also likes it since it doesn't squish his chunky legs...unlike the Bumbo. :)

Overall, he's just the best little guy.

He's set the bar pretty dang high for his siblings to follow.

I'm in love with his gummy smile, his laugh, his squishy legs, his kissy cheeks, his baby blue eyes, and his pokey little toes.

Happy 6 months, Kameron Mark!

We love you, cub!

Confession.

There are times when I seriously don't know what to blog about.

Mostly because my entire day revolves around my family.

Alex & (especially) Kameron take up 90% of my time.

That other 10% goes into showering, journal writing, eating, and sometimes exercising.

But all I think about while in the shower or while eating is what else I need to get done FOR them.

And while yes, this can be exhausting to my brain at times...it's become my new normal.

And surprisingly, you know what?  I'm not nearly as bitter as I "should" be.

To most of society what I do day in and day out is boring, redundant, and unimportant.

And I think that's why I sometimes hesitate to blog anymore since it's not "cool" to hang out with a 5 month old all day. (And sometimes at night when he decides to party at 3am.)

I feel like I had way more "interesting" things to blog about before pregnancy and Kam's birth.

So I would open up a new blog post, write a sentence, then delete it and shut my laptop.

I felt like people didn't care about what I was about to share.

But as I watch my sweet baby sleep in his crib via the amazing invention of a video monitor, I've decided I don't care.

This blog is mine.

People can read it if they want.

Or they don't have to...and that's ok.

But if a blog is about writing things that are important to you...then sure, a lot of my future blog posts will be about my doings as a wife and mother.

Because that is my new normal.

I felt like when people would describe me pre marriage and pre motherhood they would say words like: dancer, piano player, friend, hard worker, listener, smart, singer.

And not that I'm not those things anymore.

But I've added wife and mother.

And those are my 2 most important describing words.

So I'm throwing caution to the wind and from here on out I am going to blog about whatever I feel like...and not worry about whether it's cool, interesting, trendy, or thought provoking.

I'm only going to worry about whether it's important to me and something that I want to share with others.

I can't lie though...living your day while watching a baby try and figure out this world...it's pretty great.

My testimony of God and the creation has grown leaps and bounds since being pregnant, going through childbirth, and taking care of Kameron.

And for that...I will be forever grateful.

So I shall leave you with some awesomeness:

1. Kameron loves grass.  And it may be one of the funniest things to watch him try to grasp one, single blade.

2. Alex sometimes will sing along to One Direction or Lady Gaga...it's amazing.  Ask him to do it the next time you see him.

3. My stretch marks are now a soft shade of purple instead of blaring, dark, bruise purple.  Progress, people!!

5 month cub.

Here we are again!

Man, time really does fly!

My baby is 5 months old!  FIVE!

It's crazy that in just one month he'll be a half of a year.

He's still the best baby...nothing new there. :)

Here are his latest and greatest...

2 weeks after his 4 month check up, he had to have another check to make sure his ear infection was gone.  They weighed him at that appointment and he chunked in at 18 lbs 3 oz.  Some days I swear he weighs more than that.  My back kills me by the end of the day.  But I'll take it over worrying about whether my baby is growing or not!  Trust me...he's growing!

At that same appointment, his pediatrician kept commenting on his ear drums.  I kept fighting back the laughter...I don't know why but it was just so funny to me!  Multiple times (literally) she said how perfect his ear drums were.  Now I've had my share of Kameron compliments, but they usually go something like: 

"Oh, he's adorable!"

or

"Look at his gorgeous eyes!"

But never have I ever received, "His ear drums are beautiful!"

But hey...that's right!  My body made those beautiful, perfect ear drums. :)

He's got rolling down like no one's business.

Front to back to front to back...

He was very proud of himself when he did it on the bed for the first time since it wasn't a firm floor.

His naps have gone downhill a little bit since we moved to Santa Barbara.

He's still quite the champ at night time sleep, which I very much appreciate, but his naps are either too short or he just refuses them all together.

It's quite apparent Kameron likes to eat.

But recently other things are FAR more interesting than eating.

The kid cannot stop looking around at everything while eating.

He basically just snacks now since he gets so distracted.

He's been showing signs recently of teething.

Runny nose, red cheeks, SUPER irritable and inconsolable at times, and just goes to town gnawing on anything he can get his little hands on!

It comes and goes in waves so I'm just not sure when a tooth is going to poke its little head out!

We shall see...

We started a couple solids this month.

We started with rice cereal.  He liked it ok...he wasn't super into it.

But he seems to really like sweet potatoes!

We're still trying to get the swallowing aspect of eating solids down, but he seems to enjoy the taste!

Since moving in with my in laws, he's been really into their dog, Beau.

It's pretty cute!  Beau is just a puppy so sometimes he wants to play too hard for Kam, but when they're both being gentle with each other...it's pretty heart melting.

Kameron is just a happy boy.

He loves to bounce, roll, laugh, play, grab, and look.

I feel so blessed to be his mother (even when he screamed for an hour straight at the DMV, which is a blog post all on its own) and I just love watching him grow.

4 months!

This is about 2 weeks late, but oh well...better late than never!

Our sweet boy is 4 months old!

Tell time to slow down!

This past month he has really worked on his rolling.  He can roll from either his back or tummy...but he prefers to be on his tummy most of the time when he's on the ground.

He grabs at anything he can get his hands on!  And then it automatically goes to the mouth.  His latest obsession is messing with one of our decorative pillow and drooling all over it.

He no longer likes his play mat.  Since he learned how to roll he would just roll over on it and get stuck and just get all upset.  So he has graduated to this bouncy play chair.  He loves it!  He can bat at things and bounce to his heart's content.

We have been blessed with a good sleeper.  His naps are a little hit or miss...but he does great with nighttime sleep.  It's a rare night when he doesn't sleep through the night.  He's usually somewhere between 10-11 hours.  Unfortunately I still wake up at least twice a night and then can't fall back asleep for some time.  I will not miss this about breastfeeding!

At his check up he weighed 17 lbs 7 oz and was 26.5 inches long!  It's crazy that he is so much bigger than when he was born!  He's still in the 95%.  The boy likes to eat. :)

This is the one rare picture we have with a binky.  He's not the world's biggest fan of them.  Just every so often he'll take one.

We just love watching him learn and grow every day.  It's so crazy how quickly he transforms.  It's so fun and sad all at the same time.  I love being his mother.

Happy 4 months, my Kamo!

Seasons

Do you ever feel like you can't keep up?

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough?

Do you ever feel like you're a failure at being a female and doing the "female" things?

I KNOW I am not alone in those feelings.

I feel like I constantly get down on myself for not "doing" enough.

The world demands a lot from us.

We are "supposed" to have an always clean house, dinner for our family 7 nights a week, fully stocked food cabinets, constant laundry loads going, never have pee spots on the side of the toilet (from your husband obviously), and all while looking practically perfect in every way. 

Mary Poppins, anyone?

Some of us at church were expressing these feelings of not having enough time to do everything and then we had a lesson on Family History.

Then my mind spiral started again.

"I KNOW family history is important.

I KNOW it is.

But how in the world am I supposed to research to find my ancestors and then prepare them for temple work all while I have a young child?"

While my mind was getting severely overwhelmed, my Bishop's wife chimed in and said something along these lines:

"We all have seasons in life and we cannot forget which season we are in.  If we can remember to stay within the confines of our season, we can avoid feeling bogged down."

Then she told us that family history has to match our season.

For my season as a young mother that looks like taking pictures and writing in a journal.

HALLELUJAH!  I'm already doing that!

I felt such relief!

I felt so liberated!

Even though that was a few months ago, I've really tried to keep that phrase in mind.

Whenever I start to feel like I want to do it all, but don't have the time or means, I repeat in my mind: "It's not my season."

I have to remember my current season.

I cannot expect myself to be able to do things now that I will be able to do when I no longer have newborns or when we are empty nesters.

This doesn't mean that I'm incapable.

It means I very much am a capable person, but it's just not my season.

Don't you love that?!

I know for me it gave me a sense of freedom within myself.

I hope someone reading this will feel the same.

This world today makes us feel like we have to do it ALL in order to be happy.

And that's so false.

So let's stick to our seasons and enjoy the journey! 

Getting back on track.

As any mother knows, having a baby throws your entire life in a huge loopdy loop.

The life that you used to know ceases to exist.

As awful as that sounds, it does get better!

I think the best advice I got was from my sister, Karly.

She told me that it was OK to mourn my old life.

It was OK to miss it.

It was OK to have a hard transition.

So I did that.

I took some time to mourn pre-Kameron life.

And I'm so glad I did...my pre-Kameron life was great!

I really did have an awesome life.

BUT...my life is even better now!

First of all, I have the cutest child that I'm kind of obsessed with.

Second of all, I get to watch a tiny human (who I grew, by the way) discover everything about this world.

I mean, I watched him become enthralled with a Cheez-It box earlier today.  That alone kept him entertained for about 15 minutes.

I get to see him become excited every time he sees me.

I get to see his toothless grin.

I get to watch my husband transform into a father.

I get to be a part of this divine creation process.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

That being said...I have learned in my 3 months of being a mother that Kameron cannot be my ENTIRE world.

There are other things that make me ME.

And though I love taking care of him, I cannot lose the things that also make me happy.

So I have made a goal to every day do something for myself:

Spiritually

Mentally

Physically

Relationally 

and one thing for my home/family.

Spiritually: watch a General Conference talk, listen to church music, read the scriptures, watch some Mormon messages, etc.

Mentally: read a book for recreation, scrapbook, paint my nails, go to work etc.

Physically: go on a walk, play Just Dance, go to the gym, stretch, etc.

Relationally: spending better quality time with Alex once Kam is in bed.

Home/Family: do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, etc.

If I can just do at least ONE of those things in each category every day, I will be in good shape.

I have made these goals so that I am more productive during Kam's nap time and also so when he is awake I will not have any feelings of bitterness for not getting things done.

Wish me luck!

Figuring out how to be a mommy and Kaycie is a tricky mix. :)

3 month old Kameron!

Holy moly!

Where is time going?!

Yesterday on Halloween, Kameron became a 3 month old babe.

In some ways it's flown by, but then it's also hard to remember when our family only consisted of 2 people.

As you will be able to tell from my favorite pictures from the last month, Kam has turned in to quite the little ham.  His facial expressions have just blossomed!  It's so much fun to see how his face changes when he's concentrating, upset, happy, uncomfortable, quizzical, and my favorite: excited!

He's definitely discovered his hands this month.  He can bat at objects now and even grabs them a lot of the time.  His mouth has turned into the automatic magnet so whatever he does grab, gets pulled to the mouth.  He also really loves sucking on his hands and for some reason loves to chew on fabric.  Weirdo.

He LOVES his new play mat that Grammie got for him when she was in town.  His feet kick a piano that plays songs and he can bat at jungle animals.  He just goes crazy sometimes kicking and batting away!  Then he'll pretend he's all upset and wants out, but as soon as he sees our faces he gets all excited again and plays more.  He just wants us right there so he can show off for us.

He can hold his head up and does great while being in a front carrier or in his Bumbo.  He also LOVES to stand!  We can just hold on to his hands and pull him up from a laying down position.  He thinks it's the greatest thing in the world and gets the biggest proud smile on his face!

He does pretty great with sleeping.  His first stretch of the night is usually 8-9 hours.  Then after a quick nurse, he's back down for another 2.5-3 hours.  He also takes about an hour long nap twice a day and then a little catnap in the evening.

He's still a chunk.  Our guess is that he's gained about another pound, but we aren't for sure.  But we did measure him and he's grown another half inch.

He really enjoys being outside still.  He loves to look around, sleep in his stroller, and then look around some more.  He also makes the funniest noise whenever wind hits his face.

Kam is very close to rolling from his tummy to his back.  The poor guy is so frustrated that he's so close!  He's got the working hard grunt down and just does it over and over again during tummy time.

Thankfully he does great while out and about.  He observes other people and as soon as they look at him, he can't help but smile!  We usually can hit up 2 errands before he's done and wants to go home and take a nap.  So if I divide them up evenly throughout the week, I can usually hit everywhere I need to.

His bedtime routine is turning in to my favorite time of the day.  He has his last big feeding then we take him in to our room and lay him on the bed.  That's when he gets really excited since he knows what's coming!  While Alex gets his clothes and diaper off, I start the bath and get his bath seat ready.  Then I do the bath part.  He looooves it!  He is oh so smiley and giggly and just talks and squeals to his heart's content.  When he's done, Alex has the towel ready and he gets him all dried off and a fresh diaper put on.  Then I lotion Kam on up.  Thankfully he no longer screams during drying off and lotioning!  Then we take him back to his room to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  He used to not seem very into it, but the last week or so he's really started to pay attention!  He gets so excited when he sees the first page.  The first time he got so excited, Alex and I could not stop laughing because his face was hilarious!  I literally could not read anymore.  Kam saw and fed off of us so he started squealing and smiling.  It was one of my most favorite times with my little family thus far.  After the book I nurse him to top him off and so he can get drowsy.  Then I set him in his crib, stroke his hair for a bit, and he just drifts off to dreamland.  He's a dream, that baby.

As for us?  Alex and I are doing great.

We definitely have our moments where we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities.  Usually when that happens, one of us is more up so we can help out and pick up the extra slack.

It's definitely a balancing game being parents that work and go to school, but we're figuring it all out.

There were some times, especially in that first 6 week's of Kam's life, when I didn't know if I could do this.

I honestly didn't understand why people would want more than one of these!

But I think I'm starting to get it.

Kamo is the joy of our home and just gets more and more fun each and every day.

I keep thinking he can't get any cuter, but he somehow magically does!

We sure do love our little man cub.

Happy 3 months, baby!