Kameron's Birth Story

I really don't know where to begin.

How do I put in to words the feelings I felt and the things I experienced while bringing Kameron to earth?

I will try my best, even though I know there really are no words in the dictionary to describe this story.

First, my doctor (Dr. Lamb) was retiring ON my due date of August 1.  After that date, he can no longer practice and would not be able to deliver my baby.  As the time was winding down I started to panic a little bit.  I REALLY wanted Dr. Lamb to deliver.   

Dr. Lamb is quite an amazing man.  He's kind, gentle, funny, considerate, and made us feel so at ease with this pregnancy.  To top it off, he and Alex are like 5th cousins...or something like that.  We figured that out at our first appointment and we've had a special connection ever since.  He helped me through placenta previa and I just knew I wanted him to be the first hands that touched our little man.  Dr. Lamb really wanted to deliver him too and told us he would be sad if he had to pass us on to another doctor when we were so close.

The only way to guarantee him delivering would be to induce me.  Weeks in advance, Dr. Lamb scheduled an induction for July 30 just in case.  However, since Dr. Lamb is so amazing...he doesn't mess with nature too much.  He is very much against inducing when the woman's body is totally NOT ready.  The only way he would allow us to induce was if my cervix was starting some sort of action.  So for the appointments leading up to my due date, he would check my cervix.  But nothing was really going on down there.  I was starting to get nervous.  I would pray all the time that either I would go in to labor on my own or that my cervix would do enough so that we could induce.  We had one last shot on Monday, July 29.  Alex and I went in to the office and Dr. Lamb checked my cervix.  His eyes lit up a little bit and said, "Well...there's been some change.  Get changed and we'll talk when I come back."  So the 3 of us discussed being induced, what that would mean, the different risks, etc.  Dr. Lamb told us to go home, talk about it more, and call him back.

So Alex and I started talking and praying about it.  We really took everything in to consideration and took it to the Lord.  We felt like inducing was the right thing for us to do and once we made the decision, it felt even better.  So I called Dr. Lamb back and confirmed.  Once it settled in, the rest of July 29 felt a little odd.  I couldn't believe this was the last day of it just being me and Alex.  Too bad he had to work...haha.  I spent the day with my mama.  We went and got mani/pedis, went to lunch, and I went by work to say goodbye to my girls.  When I got home I went up to Primary Children's Medical Center to visit my bestie, Brittany, since she's up there with her baby boy while he's recovering.  Then the night was drawing to a close and I knew I needed to go to sleep.

It's quite difficult to fall asleep when you KNOW what's going to happen in a few hours.

But I finally fell asleep.  I called Labor & Delivery in the morning and they told me to get there at 8:30.  So with all of our bags in tow, off we went to St. Mark's Hospital.  After signing a few things, I was led to my labor and delivery room.  The nurse got everything all set up and the pitocin started flowing at 9:30.  The monitor was showing immediately that my uterus was already contracting, but I just wasn't feeling it.  That made me so happy that my body was cooperating before the pitocin even started.

Alex and Mama were there with me and Krista dropped off a big basket of goodies before she headed to work.  Granted I couldn't eat it...but you better believe I enjoyed it once my baby was out! :)  The first 3-4 hours were pretty breezy.  My mama went and got some things for us, Alex took his online final, and I watched TV/walked around.  The nurse kept coming in and asking my pain level on a scale of 1-10.  She thought it was so funny I kept saying a .5 but I really wasn't feeling too much.  So they upped my pitocin and we watched "17 Again."  Dr. Lamb came in to check me twice during that first bit, but I wasn't progressing past a 1.  So he came in and broke my water.  He said, "I need you to feel some pain...but only because I like you."  Having your water break is quite the odd feeling.  Like you know you didn't pee your pants...but you're not too sure...all I know is that it was funny.  And every time I'd contract, more water would come flowin' on out.  I got to wear these awesome diapers.  Be jealous.

My pain finally went up to a 1.5-2ish.  I just felt like I was having some serious period cramping...nothing more.  This went on for another hour or two.  Up the pitocin.  Around 4pm, things started to pick up a bit.  I was still walking around or sitting in the rocking chair.  Krista came back from work and I remember my pain level was at a 4 when she arrived.  We popped in "Never Been Kissed."  (it's an awesome labor movie by the way...nice and funny. :)  Up the pitocin.  During that two hours, my contractions really started to get more painful.  I got a birthing ball to bounce/sit on and I had to start using my breathing techniques to get through the contractions.  I was also having back labor...which, well...sucks.

6:30pm ish-11:30pm ish kind of feels like a blur.  Well, maybe blur isn't the correct word.  It feels like a blur more in the way that I can't believe I felt pain like that.  They needed my contractions to get stronger and stay consistently that strong.  Boy, that pitocin sure does its job.  I could NOT have done it without my amazing family support!!  They took turns pushing on my back, making me drink fluids, and Krista gave me quite the awesome leg/foot rub.  

10:30-11:30 was an hour I will never forget, yet still feels like a dream.  I couldn't handle anything but being on the bed and on my side.  My contractions were coming about every 90 seconds and extremely strong so I had very little rest in between.  My nurse, Jody (who was awesome!), gave me a little pain killer in my IV to take the edge off.  It worked for maybe 2 contractions...haha.  I remember Krista rubbing my head, Alex stroking my legs, and then my mom playing with my hair.  I don't remember the order per say...but I remember those things.  I also remember Alex coming up by my face and the expression he had was one I'd never seen him have.  Maybe it was fear?  Helplessness?  With every contraction my breathing techniques were working less and less and less.  I never knew pain like that was possible.  I remember thinking to myself that this was how I was going to die.  No one could possibly survive pain like this.  I couldn't think straight any more.  I was succumbing to the contractions.  Then Krista said these glorious words, "Are you sure you don't want an epidural, Kayc?"  I literally had been in so much pain I had forgotten there was such a thing.  I immediately said yes and Mama went to go find Jody.  When they told me the anesthesiologist would be 5 minutes I didn't think I was even going to make it to then.  Krista then pulled me out of bed to stand for those last minutes before I wasn't allowed to.  I literally put all of my weight on her shoulders and she just held me.  I remember crying and telling her I couldn't do it.  Alex's face was even worse than earlier.  Krista told me I could do this, how strong I was, and how amazing I had been doing.  I think Mama gave me some fluids?

Then that glorious woman walked in the room with her epidural materials.  Krista and Alex went out in the hall and Mama held my hands.  Jody was in there assisting too.  I seriously barely felt anything the whole time she was putting it in because I was focusing so hard on breathing through the contractions.  When she was done I remember laying on my back and having Kris and Alex walk back in.  Then with every contraction, the pain got less and less.  Within 30 minutes I couldn't feel them anymore.  And thank goodness because I was so spent at this point.  Once I started falling asleep, my family dispersed to some areas to rest.  Alex slept in the recliner, Krista went down to her car, and my poor Mama got stuck with the rocking chair.  I'm not sure how much sleep she got.  I was in and out of sleep from 12:30am-4am.  Jody and Mama would move me every so often so help keep my body doing something and not just laying there.  Jody would check my cervix every so often and from 12:30-3:00 my cervix had only gone to a 4.  Then from 3:00-4:00am I went from a 4 to a 10!  I couldn't even believe it when Jody said I was at a 10.  She said she'd let Dr. Lamb know and that I'd probably start pushing in an hour.

When it was almost 5:00am Jody said we'd probably wait a little longer so my contractions could keep pushing the baby down so I wouldn't have to push as long.  Right then I started to feel nauseous and asked for a barf bag.  These barf bags are pretty high tech.  None of that wimpy paper stuff they put in the airplane seat pockets.  And thank goodness, because I threw up everything that was in me...which was mostly fluid.  Jody and Mama were so kind to help me in that very nasty time.  Haha.  I went through 2 and a half barf bags and felt a lot better.  A few minutes later Jody came in and said we were going to start pushing.  There was no need to wait any longer because me throwing up forced the baby down further.  She said one hurl is equal to about ten pushes so she was actually really happy for me that I got sick...ha.

So Krista and Mama stepped out in the hallway.  Alex had my right leg, Jody had my left leg, and I started pushing around 5:15am.  Dr. Lamb came in after a few pushes to see how everything was going.  After about ten minutes we could start to see the head.  I had them pull the mirror down from the ceiling so I could see.  Some people might think that's gross...but I loved it!  It was SO motivational.  With every push I could see his little head get a fraction closer.  Jody told me I was a good pusher!  Now maybe she tells that to everyone, but it made me feel good and want to keep doing well!  With every push I felt like my brain was going to explode!  Pushing was really taking it out of my already exhausted body.  

Finally his head was crowning and Dr. Lamb came back in.  Jody, Alex, and Dr. Lamb were amazing at helping me get this baby out!  I really did feel that with every push I was one step closer.  Dr. Lamb was still being his gentle, funny self.  He also had a surreal look on his face.  You could tell Dr. Lamb was taking everything in.  I was the last woman he would take care of.  Our baby was the last he would deliver in his 35 years of being an OB.  He had the most peaceful look on his face and you could just tell he was reflecting on his career as an amazing caregiver.  It made the feel of the room and the moment even better.  It also made me feel super grateful to be his patient...even more so than I already was.

Then we really started to get close and the pushing more intense.  His head was almost out!  Even as I was witnessing it, I couldn't believe my body was doing this!!  Then at 6:21am I watched in the mirror as Dr. Lamb ever so carefully helped my baby's head, then shoulders, then body and legs emerge from my body.  The relief in pressure and the surge of endorphins was indescribable.  There was nothing left to do but cry.  

He was here!  

Alex cut the cord and then my baby's little, tiny cries started to come.  They set him on my chest and wiped him off for a minute or so.  He had swallowed some fluid so they took him over to suction some of that out.  Alex went over there to talk to him and tell him he was ok.  Then they finished cleaning him up, weighed him, etc. while Dr. Lamb stitched me up.  I got to talk to Dr. Lamb just one on one while Alex was with the baby.  I really treasure that time.  He's such an amazing man.  I know...it's weird to think that you can bond with someone as they're sewing up your woman parts, but it wasn't odd at all.  

He weighed 8 lbs 1 ounce and was 20.5 inches long.  10 fingers, 10 toes...just a perfect, little bundle.  Dr. Lamb asked us his name.  So we revealed his name as Kameron Mark Foster.  (Mark is my daddy's name) Once he was all cleaned up, I sent Alex out to get my family.  He also called his family to share the news.  Then we got a lot of pictures with Dr. Lamb and Jody before they headed out.  I am so grateful Kameron was his last baby to deliver in his amazing career of 5,300+ babies delivered.  But also sad that none of my other children can be delivered by him.  Then it was time to head on up to my room.  I couldn't believe that after 21 hours, I finally had my sweet baby in my arms.

And ohh is he sweet.  Everything that is surgary goodness is Kameron.

(We're still working on him not keeping me up all night, but it's ok...we're figuring it out.)

I really did love my whole labor and delivery process.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done physically and mentally.  But I wouldn't change one thing.  It was the perfect experience for me and I'm so grateful Heavenly Father let me have that experience.  I think back on that time with fondness.  It's also pretty hard to not have a great experience when you get a little baby as your prize.

Time to go kiss those cheeks on Kam's face.

(P.S. If you're having a baby GET a "Pretty Pusher" and make sure your nails/toes are always done.  I got SO many compliments from the nurses that it really does make you feel better! :)   

Last Day Pregnant.

Well folks...

I'm getting induced tomorrow.

It was a slightly long process of praying and talking to one another, but we've come to the conclusion that we feel good about it and are going for it.

Obviously it's all super exciting!!

But once it settled in more it got me thinking, "wow...this is my last day being pregnant.  This is my last day being able to go wherever whenever.  This is my last day not being completely and utterly smitten by a tiny, little soul.  Have I done everything I wanted to do?  Have I 'lived my life?'"

And the answer is: Yes.  Yes I have.

I know I'm sure I will go through some sort of identity crisis when I'm home and have a screaming baby, but overall I feel pretty good.

Up to this point, I've had an awesome life.

I've graduated high school.

I went to the college of my dreams.

I graduated from the college of my dreams.

I went on girl trips, went home for paradise summers, and worked at my favorite church youth camp for 5 years.

I've gotten promoted twice at my current job and while being there have witnessed multiple miracles.

And of course I married my handsome man who loves me bounteously.

The biggest concern he had while figuring out to induce tomorrow was "I want to make sure you'll be ok and that you have the experience that YOU want."

What a guy.

Love that Alex.

So yes.

I have lived my life.  And I've loved it.

Yes, my life will drastically change.

OUR lives will drastically change.

But when we were deciding to get pregnant, we knew it was the next step in our lives and we strongly felt like we were doing the right thing.

So here we go on our next adventure!

I can't wait to kiss the little face that is currently in my belly.

I already love him so.

(now off to get a mani and pedi so I'll at least have some good looking nails amidst all the laborness.)

Spirit Guide

It's no secret that I love my job.

Love it to the point of obsession...and here's one more reason why.

Every year New Haven goes on a river rafting trip for one of the weekends when parents come out to visit their girls.

That annual weekend was about a month ago.

I was able to go, but just couldn't be in the fun, battling rafts since it can get a little crazy trying to commandeer the fellow rafts.

It was quite sad, but I still had an awesome time going down the river and camping with my girls and their families.

Also on this trip, there is a special ceremony where the girls get their animal spirit guides.

If you've seen the movie "Brother Bear" you have somewhat an idea of what I'm talking about.

A spirit guide is an animal that has characteristics like you.

There are things within the animal that others may see, but you haven't yet seen in yourself.

Sometimes the animal shows up in your life more frequently than other times.

This animal is supposed to help remind you of where you need to be, what you need to work on, and how you can be the most happy.

The guide is always picked by someone who is close to you, knows you really well, and usually has some sort of authority.

The girls really enjoy receiving them and a lot of them really connect with the animal.

After the ceremony and everyone went to bed, the staff had a mini ceremony of our own to receive our spirit guides.

Of course you start to speculate what animal you'll receive.

I really wanted the dolphin because it's my favorite animal.

Or the cougar would've been fun since I went to BYU.

When it was my turn, however, the animal I received had never crossed my mind.

My supervisor called me up and started talking about all of the animal qualities that my guide embodies and how my co-workers can see those qualities within me.

Then he said my guide:

The dragonfly.

And I love it.

Absolutely love it.

Here is the description of what being a dragonfly means:

"The dragonfly has many things to teach you with many powerful symbols and abilities.  They inhabit two realms: water and air.  This is symbolic of your ability, with practice, to achieve balance between the mental and emotional states, bringing peace to the past and present.  They are hatched underwater and remain there for the first 4-5 years of life.  At that time a major transformation takes place in their bodies.  They climb out of the water and shed their old skin and their bodies become long and slender and 4 large wings emerge.  This drastic change reminds you of your ability to change yourself in ways that may appear impossible at first thought.

The dragonfly has 2 very large eyes on each side of its head.  Each eye is divided into 2 section that can look in different directions.  One can look up for danger while the other looks down for food.  Each eye has 28,000 lenses which increase its ability to focus.  A dragonfly can focus in on a mosquito flying 20 feet away and catch it with its legs.  The dragonfly's sharp sight and depth perception has led to the belief that it can help you gain greater perspective and see past the illusions in your life to a clear picture of the truth about yourself and the past.

Its 4 wings can flap in 4 different directions at the same time allowing it to change directions, stop, hover, or fly backwards in an instant.  The dragonfly has been clocked at speeds of 60 miles per hour.  Scientists have tried for decades to duplicate the flying capabilities of the dragonfly and have not even come close.  To the dragonfly, this impossibility is reality.  The dragonfly teaches you to never accept 'I can't' as a  motto for life.  Let the dragonfly guide you as your learn that you can."

There literally is 2-3 full pages describing the dragonfly, but those are some of the mini highlights.

I love the qualities of this beautiful insect and want to strive to always emulate them.

You can tell you're not living in harmony with your guide when you are unhappy.

You have to refocus and get back in line to have the most success.

I also received a necklace with a dragonfly on it and I now wear it all the time.

I've also become obsessed with trying to find one!

So next time you see one...think of me. :)

Letter to 17-year-old Me.

I love me some country music.

I love me some Brad Paisley.

On the way home from work I was listening to said B. Paisley and on came his song "Letter to Me."

If you've never heard it...go do so.

It's great.

In it he writes a letter to his 17-yr-old self.

I've heard it lots of times before, but this time I started to think more about myself at 17.

And then I decided to follow Brad's lead and write to 17-yr-old Kaycie.

Hello Kaycie,

It's me...Kaycie.

(I'm starting to feel awkward.......

I'll finish it anyway.....)

Right now it's 2013 and oh how much will your life change from where it's currently at in 2004.

First things first: you're so beautiful with those big, brown eyes and thick, brown hair.

So since you are...QUIT plucking your eyebrows so dang thin and QUIT putting blonde highlights in your hair.  It looks bad.  So just stop.

You're not fat.  You're so far from fat it's ridiculous.  Quit comparing yourself to the twigs in your ballet class.  Your body was made for other styles of dance.

Enjoy being a size 5.  The birthing hips will come in your Freshman year.

Don't feel bad that you don't get asked to come to the school parties.  They DO NOT matter so keep enjoying your time at home with your parents on those Friday nights.

Be more thankful for the paradise you live in.  There are no beaches where you currently are!

Most of your friends will fade.  Keep spending quality time with them, but just don't think they will last forever.  The most important friendships will last.  

Which leads me to Katie Claire and Brittany.  Good thing you love them so much because they're not going anywhere.

Enjoy free room and board while you can.  Life starts handing you bills.

Your first kiss will be "meh" or "blah" or any other non exciting word you want to put there.

Your second kiss though...that'll be fun at the time.  So just enjoy.

Take some tumbling classes now.  You'll be a better hip hop teacher in the future for it.

Keep being honest with your parents.  You get more privileges that way.

Thankfully you already know this, but, keep being an example at school.  You will receive the kindest compliments in your yearbook and the nicest notes from your classmates expressing their appreciation for it.

When you get to college...soak in EVERY LAST BIT while you're there.  You're going to miss it more than you realize once you graduate.

Don't feel bad when you never get asked out at BYU.  I know, I know...it's BYU...isn't it branded for that sort of thing?  One would think.  But you don't need any of the guys there romantically so it just doesn't matter.

Well...I guess I ruined that surprise.  Yes, you will get in to BYU!  All of your hard work will pay off.

Cutting your hair to your ears may sound like a good idea at the time.  But it's not.  I repeat.  IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA!

I won't ruin all of college for you...but just be flexible.  Your college life will end up being far more fulfilling than you ever realize because of flexibility in your plans.

Besides all of that...you're doing pretty good for a 17-yr-old!  Your life is actually quite fun, you go to a great school, you're happy & talented...consider yourself lucky.

Lastly, you're going to go through something hard.  So excruciatingly hard.  So hard that you'll wonder if you even still have a soul at times.  But if you stay close to the Lord you will get through it.  I promise.  You won't get through it quickly...but you'll find yourself triumphant on the other side and it will all make sense.

It will all make sense because Heavenly Father has an amazing life planned for you.

(Well...up to 26, but I'm sure it's planned out to be amazing beyond 26.)

He will bless you with someone far more loving and honorable than you ever could have imagined.

He will bless you with someone who will cherish you so so much.

He will bless you with someone who has the same life goals and will help you accomplish those goals.

I won't tell you his name, how you meet, how you fall in love, or what you're doing now...but just know you're in for quite a treat and you will thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing you so.

Enjoy Senior Year and eat as much Rita's Italian Ice as you can!

-2013 Kaycie

Grow Old With You

The other day at work I witnessed something that really made me so happy.

The campus I work at is currently building us a new school house so in the mornings right now we take the girls to the local community gym for PE.

Every so often the PE teacher lets the girls pick what they want to do for the week.

Some of my girls wanted to go swimming so off we went to the pool area.

There's always a fair amount of old people doing water aerobics or just walking up and down the length of the pool.

One of the pools is right across from this giant jacuzzi.

Towards the beginning of PE I had watched an older couple enter the pool deck together.

The man had gotten out of the pool and headed to the jacuzzi sooner than his wife.

She was taking a breather and was right by the little bit of deck between the pool and jacuzzi with her back turned away from her husband.

I just watched as his eyes lit up that his wife was nearby and then watched how his brain thought of how to get her attention.

So what does any boy do?

Splash water of course!

So for about 3 mins I watched his frail, little arms attempt time and time again to splash water on her.

Sometimes he couldn't even get it out of the jacuzzi.

Sometimes he only got the water 3 inches out.

Every so often he would finally get her, but she didn't even notice.

So...he'd try again.  And again.  And again.

Until she finally noticed, turned around, gave him a little scolding look that immediately turned in to a smile.

He smiled back at her.

And then off she went doing her exercises while he just watched her.

They looked a little something like this (except imagine swimming gear and a pool instead of clothes and a hammock...but you get the gist):

At first I was just happy I was able to watch that interaction from afar.

But then it really got me to thinking (in between telling my girls floating is not exercising so get goin' on those laps) how grateful I am to have someone to grow old with like that couple.

I'm fairly certain Alex and I will have similar interactions in 50+ years.

We already do annoying cute things to get each other's attention.

If I ever stopped tickling him when he least expects it...he'd miss it.

If he ever stopped curling up in my lap like a cat...I'd miss it.

(You can imagine how awesome it is for a 6'3" tall man to curl up in my lap.  This baby bump has made it even more interesting.)

I sure do love this man of mine and can only hope and pray that the life Heavenly Father has planned for us involves wrinkly skin, white hair, and hands clasped with Mr. Foster.

And just because you've probably already been singing this song...here it is for your viewing pleasure:

A real life miracle

Not that I didn't already believe miracles can happen in our lives, but I know more than ever that miracles are real.

And to me and my growing family...this miracle is just as real as parting the Red Sea.

Alex and I went in for an ultrasound to check up on my placenta.

Obviously it's also a plus to see our little man!

We went in with the attitude that most likely the placenta had not moved from my cervix opening.

My doctor had just been very realistic and kept telling us at our check ups that the likelihood of it moving was slim to none.

In all of his years delivering babies (which is upwards of 35 years) he has rarely seen a complete placenta previa move.

So more or less we have just been praying that my body would be a good home for our son and that everything with my pregnancy would go as smooth as it could.

Well...we get in there and the nurse brings us back.

She squirted the warm goo on my belly and off we were to seeing the innards of my belly.

She went ahead and went straight to my cervix so that the baby could be more of the highlight of this visit.

She pointed out my cervix and as I'm looking at it I'm thinking, "There's nothing blocking it.  But maybe I'm seeing it wrong."

After studying it for a few seconds our nurse pointed out where my placenta was and it was NOT blocking my cervix!

It kind of had to sink in before I actually realized what she had said.

I could not believe it!

It felt like I was living in a dream and that I would wake up and she would actually tell me it had not moved.

But oh was it real!

She measured how far away it was and it was measuring 3 centimeters.

When delivering they want the placenta at least 2 centimeters away so not only had it moved from the opening, but it moved even further than expected!

I was just in shock the whole time, but more than anything I felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude.

I could not believe that I was one of the lucky few in this world that recovers from placenta previa.

She then of course showed us our baby boy.

His heart was beating just great, his blood vessels were bringing blood in and out, he had all of his toes...he's just this perfect little human.

His face is the cutest though...of course. :)

And he had his little hands crossed right underneath his chin.

Talk about break your heart!  He has already smitten us.

Afterwards my doctor called me when he got the ultrasound results.

He was dumbfounded.  He said he was really shocked and that someone up above must love me a lot.

He then told me I could live a normal life now and do everything I haven't been able to do!

It was such an amazing feeling to be released from being a prisoner within my own body!

More than anything it's amazing to not worry.

I had been doing a lot better with not worrying so much, but obviously it still crept in fairly frequently.

Within that next day I was able to run around with my niece, go on a walk, and just live care free.

So care free I decided to use my sister's stairs as a slide. (that one was not on purpose.)

I am so grateful for all of the family and friend prayers sent up above both in our homes and in the temples.

I know that was a huge part, if not the main part, of why my placenta moved.

Heavenly Father works in amazing ways and I'm so overwhelmingly blessed that He decided to work a miracle within me.

I suppose two miracles have happened within me since our little man is such a miracle in and of itself. 

A little longing.

Just looking outside my window and seeing beautiful weather.

Then looking at this picture and wishing we could go do that.

 I try very hard not to complain...but daggum it, it's hard sometimes.

I miss not feeling so enclosed within my body.

For now I'll just lay in the grass and dream about the day when we can take the little man with us on such excursions.

(Alex carrying him up the whole way, of course.)

Now I look like this.

Quite drastically different.

Anyone willing to carry me up a mountain so I can see those views this summer?

Disney Child

I can't explain it really.

It just happened.

I fell in love with Disney the moment it hit my life.

See...look at this 2 year old birthday of mine:  Mickey plates, cups, and sweatshirt. (and Karly's awesome purple leotard thing that who knows why she was wearing that to my party?)

Now I know what all of you are thinking...

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...we all love Disney.  Who doesn't?"

However true your thoughts may be, I guarantee that my obsession goes beyond the "norm."

- I watched "The Little Mermaid" an unhealthy amount of a few too many times that I full on broke the VHS and my family had to buy me another one.

-My room was lined wall to wall with Disney posters. (they only came down when I decided in my 13 year old mind that my love for 'Nsync was stronger.)

-I was always the latest princess for Halloween: Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Nala, Esmerelda, etc.  Thank heavens my mother appeased my wishes and always did an awesome job of hand constructing those suckers. (which are all, by the way, in my home closet.)

Belle

Jasmine.

I had the over the shoulder glance down.

-My first time at Disney World when I was 7, I was far more interested in getting autographs from the characters than going on any of the rides.

-I had a paraphernalia of Disney dolls, Barbies, room accessories, etc.

My personal fav was my Aladdin lamp.  The shade glowed in the dark.

Why oh why am I dressed like this?!

I can't decide if it's awesome or embarrassing to post this outfit.

However, I think my family's fondest memories of my Disney obsession is how I personally became the characters.  You're thinking like while I'm playing with my dolls.  Ha...nope.  I mean for days on end I literally was that character.

I think my first was Wendy.

I spent my days singing "You Can Fly" and jumping off the couch.

If someone asked me to do something like, "Hey, Kaycie...it's time for dinner," I would look away as if I did not hear them.  They'd try again.  "Kaycie, it's time for dinner."  Still no acknowledgment.  A sigh and then "Ok, Wendy...it's time for dinner."  That was the golden ticket and I would graciously oblige any request as long as it was the correct name.

I then switched to Patch from 101 Dalmations.  I think this was my sisters' worst nightmare personal fav.  I spent my days on the same level as our own dog, Matey.  I would walk around, lay around, eat, and do anything Matey would do.  When my sisters came home I'd growl and bark regardless of whether their friends were with them or not.  They were truly grateful when I moved on to Ariel.

Ah, Ariel.  My family probably does not want to know how many forks I brushed through my long locks.  I would set up something like a rock jetting out of water, push myself up on it (you know what scene I'm talking about) and sing my little heart out.

Also...you guessed it.  Everyone best be callin' me "Ariel" or I would not respond.

Jasmine followed.  I loved getting a towel or blanket and making that my magic carpet.  I'd sing and look out over the edges at the city below. (Aladdin is still my dreamboat.)

I could go on and on...but I think it's safe to say my imagination was awesome.

To this day I still am obsessed with Disney this much.

Thankfully though, I don't walk around in my Halloween costumes or make Alex call me "Rapunzel."

However, I DO buy Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets. (Because why get circles or dinos when Mickey's an option.)

I DO listen to Disney music on a fairly regular basis.

I DO have dreams about being at Disney World/Land.

I DO watch the movies whether I'm with someone or by myself.

I DO dream about gently suggesting enforcing Disney upon my own children.

 Post-EFY day to the Animal Kingdom!

My first time at DisneyLAND!

 Where "World of Color" takes place at night.

I may have teared up the whole 30 minutes it was going.

Disney On Ice in SLC!

My ONE and ONLY complaint about Disney is that going to their parks is so dang expensive!

If I had it my way I'd be there WAY more often, but when funds are low...I just have to dream about being there.

I honestly can't explain it.

Disney makes me giddy and I don't even care.

It's too good of an obsession to try and overcome.

Cool, placenta. Real cool.

Baby boy enjoyed his first Festival of Colors.

So remember that time my placenta decided to attach to the absolute worst part of my uterus?

Yeah, me too.

I didn't even know this was possible.

Alex and I were at our ultrasound to find out the gender of the babe.

We were having quite the grand time in there as they went through all the parts of our little baby's body and revealed that he is, indeed, a male.

I'm was on such a high!  I'm so beyond excited and when I get really happy I get emotional.

Good thing I'm sure that happens frequently in that room.

So Alex and I are rejoicing when they hit us with the other news.

The nurse informs me that my placenta is in front of my cervix opening.

I don't know what the heck that meant other than knowing what a placenta and a cervix are, but not realizing they should not be together at this stage in the game.

All I'm thinking is, "Sweet!  I made a placenta!  I know that's what you're supposed to have in there.  What up, men of the world?!?  I made a placenta...bet y'all can't.  Booyah!"

She clearly saw I'm not understanding the seriousness of it so she briefly explained it and then got the doctor to come talk to us.

When he came in all rejoicing was over.

He informed me just what placenta previa is.

(linked that for those of you that need a more in depth science lesson.)

I just laid there for a bit taking it all in.

A billion thoughts started pouring through my head.

"How did this happen?"

"Why did this happen to me?"

"He's too little to come out."

"Is my body going to cooperate?"

Then I was emotional all over again...

Alex and I had an appointment with our OB shortly after.

He was able to explain things better and since I'm more used to him, it calmed me slightly.

He told me how to treat my body, what to do in an emergency situation, and that we'll just have to wait it out.

On the ride home I was such a mixture of emotions: sad/frustrated/angry/worried/anxious/happy (I mean, I did also find out the gender.)

When we arrived at the house I asked Alex for a blessing.

I didn't think I could continue until I felt some peace.

I always love receiving blessings from my husband.

I'm so grateful he's always able and willing whenever I need that boost.

I felt better after, but I was still just mostly quiet the rest of the day.

When hard things hit me, I usually need to let things set in so I can figure out how I'm going to handle it.

In the following days I was doing alright.

I can handle this.

I had to take it easy at dance and work, only take walks/swim, and just listen to my body.

Then a month later we have our next appointment.

He took away all exercise.

Baby boy is too big now for me to risk the gravitational pull with any kind of exercise since I have a complete coverage of the cervix...not a partial.

I started to cry all over again.

NO...I had finally gotten used to this adjustment in my life and now I had to adjust again!

Eventually I got around to being grateful that I was NOT on bed rest.

But still...having to sit/lay down AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE?!

Does this placenta of mine not know me?!?!

I was frustrated all over again and my poor husband had to deal with me being all mopey for the rest of the day.

But I figured it out...as I always do.

I was already coming to fairly good terms with this road block in my life, but our Institute lesson last night helped my perspective a ton!

We were in Section 67 of the Doctrine & Covenants.

We started talking about how we can "see" Christ.

Verse 10 tells us the 3 things we need to do: strip ourselves of all jealousies, strip ourselves of all fears, and humble ourselves.

That's it!  HA...easier said than done FOR SURE.

However, our teacher (who is bomb) focused for a bit on stripping ourselves of fear.

He said if we truly believe we have a Father in heaven, if we truly believe Jesus if the Christ, if we truly believe there is a perfect plan of happiness, if we truly believe the Father & Son love us...then what is there to fear?

There is no need to fear because we would more fully understand that everything in this life has been planned out for our growth and happiness.

So my new goal is to strip myself of fear.

Fear of my baby being born too soon.

Fear of my placenta hemorrhaging.

Fear of the future/unknown.

I'm sick of being afraid.

I do know I have a Father in Heaven, I do know Jesus is the Christ, I do know there is a perfect plan of happiness, and I do believe the Father & Son love me unconditionally and in a way I cannot comprehend.

So my prayers now include asking for help in this lifestyle that I'm trying to adopt.

It's only been a day so far...but it's going well. :)

I know I won't be perfect at it, but I really want to be more aware of trying to be fearless in my life.

The moment of truth will be when this baby decides to enter the world whether it's through my placenta hemorrhaging, having a 37 week c-section, or my placenta miraculously moving and making his way through the birth canal.

I'm so grateful for everything I'm already learning from this little guy who hasn't even taken his first breath.

I love him so much.

He's already so full of life and reminds me constantly that he's still here.

(I wish he wouldn't camp out on my bladder or sciatic nerve as much as he does, but that's ok.  I'll take it.)

Alex and I just a few weeks before the little man was conceived.

Little did we know what the next month was going to bring...

K, seriously?!

So I have this friend.

And quite a dear dear friend she is.

Her name is Brittany.

I've known Brittany since circa 1999?  Ish.

Regardless, that's more than half my life.

This is us Freshman year as roommates.

Remember that time I thought it'd be a good idea to gain 10 lbs AND cut my hair short?

Bad move, Kaycie.  Bad move.

There we were just young babies starting out our adult life.

I'll spare you all the sappy/awesome details of our friendship (with the mix in of Katie Claire) because my pregnancy hormones cannot handle it.

Which is precisely what this blog post is about.

Long story short: Brittany and I are BOTH pregnant.

BOTH with baby boys.

And are due 10 days apart from each other.

WHAT?  How does that happen?!

It's always your dream growing up to have babies at the same time your best friends do; but it's just that...a dream.  Not reality.

Well this folks, is reality.

And to show you just how bad these hormones will get you, lemme 'splain.

I went over to Britt's on Saturday night while Alex was going to Priesthood session.

I asked her what all she had for the babe so far and she started showing me.

Then she had some doubles of things so she gave them to me since I'm having a boy too.

One of the items was this hooded pool towel with this sweet green trimming and a tiny giraffe over the chest.

Then all the sudden my mind flashed to when our babies will be almost a year and we take them to the pool together and then after they're done having fun, we put them in these matching hooded towels and they'll hold hands and eat popsicles and give each other kisses (the masculine kind) and just be the best of friends.

Then I got a clump in my throat, my eyes started to well up, and I started to be a ridiculous mess of emotion.

That just made Brittany at first laugh but then her pregnancy hormones got the best of her and she started to cry.

So there we are just a crying mess, but also laughing at the same time because let's face it...it was dang funny.

Finally we pulled ourselves together and carried on.

I'm so grateful I have a friend who just started crying with me.

She's the best.

Our boys are already friends.  We just know it.

We stomach bump them and say "Hi, best friend!"

(It's kind of like a fist pound...but way more awesome because amniotic fluid is involved here.)

That is just one example.

I could seriously embarrass myself with what I cry about these days.