mid-week letter.

Dear Thursday,

Can you please come quicker?
My love comes into town on your day.
You probably remember him.
Tall, killer smile, guitar in hand.
Yeah, that guy.
Well, I'm beyond anxious for him to arrive.
So if you could just pass it along to your friend, Wednesday, that we don't really need him this week, that would be awesome.
[And I don't really need the first part of you either. Thanks.]

Kind Regards, Kayc

lean and mean.

Alright y'all.

You have GOT to help me.
Summer is here, but I'm not 100% pleased with my swimsuit bod.
I know I know...I'm sure through all yall's heads you're saying, "Oh stop it, Kayc."
I don't think I'm fat by any means.
But there's some lingering pounds that have taken residency since my Freshman year and it is time for them to leave.
I want to be completely satisfied with myself.
People tell me I look good and my boyfriend is always saying I look...how does he put it? Ah yes: "Straight up FINE."
And as grateful as I am for those compliments, I want to lose 12 lbs.
I know it's not going to be easy.
Especially since I work at a restaurant that drips with calories, fat, and sugar.
But I'm saying this because I need yall's help.
I always say I'm going to lose weight. It's ALWAYS a resolution, but I never try hard enough. So I'm hoping by making this public, yall will help me.
If you work with me...DO NOT let me eat cake, fries, or breadsticks.
If you see me often...please do not pressure me into lots of situations where my self control will be tested and don't be offended if I say, "No, thanks."
Don't be scared to say, "KAYCIE, PUT THAT DOWN!"
I am going to try to have the most self control I have ever had.
I eat pretty well. I do. I eat protein, fruits, veggies, whole grains, and healthy fats.
And I exercise a fair amount.
My problem is...I also eat the crap. I'm always down for shakes, cookies, and chocolate.
I need to stop that.
So please help me.
I am going to allow myself SOME fun, or I shall go crazy. My treats to myself are frozen yogurt and dark chocolate. I can live with that.
Oh...and if it's a birthday or special holiday, I will cheat cause c'mon...you can't NOT have cake on someone's birthday. [course, it's someone's birthday somewhere every day...hmm...ha kidding.]
I'm going to try my best to work out every day as well.
We shall see how that pans out since I work a ton, but hopefully...
So basically...help me become a lean, mean, fat burning machine.
'Preciate it. :]
These stars are my inspiration.

They're just hot.
I will be hot.
...hopefully soon. :]
Off to the gym I go.
On a Friday night no less.
Why? Well...I got off work early, all of my friends are gone, my boyfriend is in Idaho, the gym is a ghost town, and I want to look like said stars above.
That's why.

Nostalgia

Do you ever have moments of nostalgia?

Where you get lost in your memories filled with laughter, dancing, fun, music, sillyness, and the people you love most?
Well, that's where I am tonight.
Nostalgic.
I am missing those times and people I love.
I feel like sometimes I live in a hamster wheel.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
But there are times where I feel like I have this routine of work and school and I just go round and round and rarely have time to dance, laugh, and spend time with my friends and family.
I am grateful that I go to an amazing school such as BYU and that in this economy I have two jobs.
But sometimes...man. How nice it would be sometimes to go back to when school was easy and I worked 15 hours a week?
I'm done rambling now.
I thought I would just share a handful of the people and things I'm thinking of while I watch the moon rise over the mountains.

I miss my island and my boats and my water. I'm craving the sand between my toes, dolphins playing in the wake of the Holiday, and seeing the sun set beyond the water's edge. I miss hearing my daddy's narration and seeing ladies with big rimmed hats. I miss old men running ahead to open the door for you and hearing "yall," "maam," "sir," and "bless your heart." Hilton Head Island is calling me home and I can't wait til I can answer. It truly is the greatest place on earth...I don't care what anyone says.

High School. I know I know...who misses that? Well, I do. Life was so simple then. Life consisted of great teachers, dancing for hours every day, piano lessons, choir, stake friend sleepovers, musicals, beach, girl's camp, and these two ladies: Brittany & Katie Claire. They were my life! For real. Kate just got married and Brit just got engaged. Geez...weren't we 16 yesterday? I miss my amazing Mama. She really is an amazing woman. I know she thinks all we do is make fun of her, but sometimes man...she makes it all too easy. [ha jokes, ma.] But really we love her so much and she will do anything for anyone. Currently I am missing her back scratches, singing in the grocery store at the top of her lungs, lasagna, and late night chats. I'm finding I'm more and more like her every day. That used to scare me, but I'm alright with that. I hope I can continue on with her spontaneous, fun loving, selfless, Christlike personality.

My sisters. They're couldn't be 2 people in this world that I would rather have as my sisters than Krista & Karly. I think we have the funniest childhood stories and I'm grateful we could share them with each other. I want to hear Kar's people impressions and her laugh. [she has a great one.] Even though I get to see Krista more than anyone in my fam bam, I'm missing her tonight as well. I could really go for playing the piano while she sings right now. If I could have anything though, it would be a sleepover with these two at this very moment. We would be laughing, talking, singing, and cuddling. Mmm...that sounds lovely.

My sweet Daddy. This man is my hero...always has been, always will. He always lets me crawl in his lap, even now. He has the corniest, but funniest humor around. If I were home right now I would want to spend an entire day with just him. I would want him to make breakfast, cause he's so good at it. Then we'd drive around in the truck going to the bank, the dump, and the harbor. We'd eat at Harold's Diner for lunch. [heart attack on a plate.] We'd go on the sunset trip and watch dolphins. Then at night we'd watch Jungle Book and have 2 separate popcorn bowls. [cause we like different kinds.] That's a perfect day for me.

I kinda just miss my whole family in general. Being in college and in student apartments makes you crave being around a family. I want grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc all around me.

Leah & McKell. Leah got married and Kell is on study abroad in Europe. They left me. Cool, yall. Real cool. HA...jokes. But seriously...I'm missing my besties very VERY very badly! Hurry back to my arms, k? I want to tell you how much I love you.

Bethany & Amanda. Two of my dearest friends ever. We were inseparable my sophomore year. I seriously had some of my fondest memories with these two ladies. I could go for a lazy day with them: movies, giant journaling/scrapbooking, celestial pumpkin bars, dancing, talking, and laughing. I miss them lots.My sophomore apartment. Glenwood #165. I think out of all my years, this was the apartment with the most memories. Probably because we were OUT OF CONTROL. There was NEVER a dull moment. LeAnne had her harp there and I had a rented piano. Muddy Buddy Sundays. Wheelbarrow and horse races in the hallway. Playing "True Colors." FHE. Never going to bed before 2am. There was so much more that I could go on and on about, but I just cherish these ladies so much and everything I learned from them.

Being in charge of Club Style and being with the club all the time. That was a hard thing passing on the club. Even though it was necessary I still have moments where I miss it. Lots. I couldn't even really go a ton this last year cause of work. I miss the people, I miss the dancing, I miss the fun, I miss the bonding, I miss the atmosphere, I miss bringing the joy of dancing to others.

I miss Turner Field. I miss my Braves. I am craving that exhilaration of being around Braves fans and doing the tomahawk chop. Only a few more weeks until this nostalgic moment can become a reality! I can't wait to see my boys! [p.s. I miss Ash too, even if we are both in Provo. Our schedules are NOT meshing and it's sad.]

BethyPoo! I have no other friends like Beth. And I love that. She is responsible for much fun. I wouldn't mind reliving a day with her. I'm sure it would be full of pranks, dancing, cookies and candy, kitties, and laughing. She's made my BYU experience a memorable one and I know will be life long friends. We just gotta get together more. ;]

BYU football games. That's all I really need to say. haha. I'm just missing them and the excitement they bring to my life.

EFY EFY EFY!! I'm always nostalgic about this little activity that is my life. Only a few more weeks until I get to have 3 weeks full of youth, dances, classes, firesides, late night talks, cheers, games, nasty food, bright polos, testimony meetings, and feeling the spirit constantly. Please come faster! :]

I think we all know how I feel about this guy right here. We are both SO over saying goodbye to each other. That's so winter semester. :] Ha...for real though. Saying goodbye gets harder and harder...not easier. Idaho has a hold on my boy for only 2 more months, but on nights like this, that seems far too long. Especially when he sends me texts that say this: "Hey wanna know something random? I really wanna slow dance with you right now." Who couldn't love a sweet boy like that? Well too bad...he's mine. When he's gone I feel very empty and I don't like it. I think that's the main reason why I'm feeling so nostalgic tonight and reminiscing on memories. I miss this fella a lot and I can't wait til I can see him every single day. That sounds delightful.

pb&j

You know how we all have those "ah hah" moments?

Where life suddenly makes that much more sense,
or you realize how much the stars are aligning?
Well...I had one of those moments today.

In my cooking class we were doing breakfast foods today. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I rarely skip it because I think it is so satisfying and I think breakfast foods are awesome: pancakes, eggs, french toast, muffins, smoothies, toast, sausage, waffles, scones, bacon, granola, fruit, crepes, breakfast burritos, bagels, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt, and of course OJ. Now that I made you completely hungry...I shall now get to my point.
My kitchen was assigned to make a few things, one of which were PB&J Muffins. Now I was a bit skeptical at first...like how is that possible? PB&J is seriously one of my most favorite snacks, but how can you put it in a muffin? Well...we did. [And even hid some carrot puree in there to get some veggies in our diet. Sneaky sneaky.]
Well, they were delicious. Definitely something I fell in love with.
The flavors all melted together and oh man...it was just awesome.So as I'm walking out of class I'm texting Alex informing him of this heaven sent muffin. He was telling me that he wanted to try it, but then I decided to ask him if he really even liked PB&J...cause if you don't, I don't think you'd like this muffin. And this is how our convo went from there:

Me: Do you like PB&J sandwiches?
Alex: As long as its smooth peanut butter and there's not a ton of fruit chunks in it.
[me with a huge grin on my face because wow...that's exactly how I like my PB&J's.]
Me: Oh man...we are perfect for each other.
Alex: Yes! I was afraid of how you liked yours. haha

And there you have it ladies and gents...if I didn't know before...I know with a surety now that this Alex kid is UH-mazing. :] Shoot...I just realized I don't know his favorite brand of peanut butter OR jelly. This is vital to the PB&J experience. I'll ask him another day...

[sorry if this blog turns into an "Alex tribute" but let's face it...it just might.]

how much you love.

So maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but...I kinda love this guy right here:

He's so cute, huh?
I kinda think so.
I'll tell you a secret about him...he's perfect.
Ok, well no one is perfect unless your name starts with a "J" and ends with an "S."
But he's perfect...for me.
He listens to me when I'm either super excited and have so much to say he really couldn't get a word in edgewise OR he listens because I've had a hard day and just need to cry and let my frustration out OR he listens if he knows what's good for him when I'm upset with him and reprimand him. HA!
He will eat vegetables, not because he likes them [cause he doesn't unless it's carrots and ranch] but because I made them and I ask him to eat them. [yeah...like you would do with a 4 year old.]
He will give me a back rub whenever I ask...even if he's already given me 2 that day. [and he's good.]
Even though I'm sure he'd rather be listening to bands from like 30 years ago, he'll listen to what I like in the car.
He will watch chick flicks with me...and laugh. [He loves Never Been Kissed.]
He is the last text I receive at night and the first text I get when I start my day.
He loves my family and is just as excited as I am when we can spend time with them.
He usually lets me have my way. [Because he knows I'm right. :]
He's not too prideful to take my advise.
He looks at me ALL the time. Seriously, next time you're around him just watch. [I hope he does it now. haha.]
He has NO qualms about holding my hand, putting his arm around me, stroking my hair, or just looking at me...just because. [Girls need that, y'know?]
Those are just a few of the great things about this Foster kid and I'll stop because I'm sure he's embarrassed enough that I'm blowing his "cool" cover.You know how even though you know something's right, it still feels good to get righteous outside opinions? It just makes you even more settled?
Well that got to happen to me this past weekend.
Alex & I had the awesome privilege of taking up a few days residence at Krista's home.
We got to spend some great time with her and during one of those conversations while we were all literally nestled up in the comfy couch, [me obviously in the middle. Best spot...boyfriend on one shoulder, sister on the other.] she said something that maybe might not seem that profound to everyone else, but to me it was.
She was making Alex blush by saying some of the great things he does, like being so doting, but then she kinda got choked up and looked into his eyes and said, "I love how much you love my Kayc." [I think that's right. ha.]
Geez, now here I am getting choked up just replaying it in my head.
I guess because I hadn't really thought about it before.
I've been in relationships before; I've gotten flowers and chocolates; I've held hands and kissed other guys...but this is different.
You can seriously tell Alex is so head over heels for me.
ME!
Little 'ole me.
I don't know what I did...but he's whipped. HA!Another important thing about Krista's comment is the fact that she's letting him love me. My whole family's always been protective of me. It's kinda an unwritten rule when you're born last and everyone still calls you "the baby."
That protection only became worse about 2 years ago.
So whoever I did end up dating would have some major hurdles to jump over to get my family's approval.
He had a slight advantage since they all saw him with his missionary mantle about him, but even if they hadn't, I'm sure he still would've won them over.
I know he won me over.
I'd rather be with him than anyone else. We don't have to be doing something grand and extravagant. Just simple will do. So whether it's laying on a blanket in the park talking or playing the piano and guitar together, I'm happy.

I should probably end this post before he seriously gets way too embarrassed.
Haha...sorry, I just love to brag because it's worth bragging about!
But I'll stop. But basically Krista's words were a great thing for me to hear.

I love how much he loves me too.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day, Mama dear!

You deserve a day [or month] full of music, neckos, ice cream, and your children.
Sorry none of us could be there with you!
But I hope the day was still great and you remembered how much we love and appreciate you.
Krista, Alex, and I spent the breakfast hour talking about you and how great you are.
Lots of good memories were said and laughed about.You really are an amazing woman and I hope that when I am a mother someday that I can be as fun, loving, talented, beautiful, and amazing as you!
You're the best mama in the whole world.
[I know everyone says that, but I'm the one that's right. :]
Thank you for everything you've done over the years including home schooling me, taking me to my various dance and music lessons, living your testimony, being so freakin funny, and letting us know that family was the most important thing.
I know you might feel like some things went unnoticed or unappreciated, but that's not true.
I value you more than you know!
There are many days when all I want is you.
I miss your singing, I miss your sense of humor, and I miss just being around you.
You're my number one lady and I hope you know how much I love you.Happy Mother's Day, Mama.
You're one stellar madre!

Nie's Message

You might remember this post from awhile back.
Well, I'm still obsessed with Nie and she literally inspires me every time I read her blog.
She has more strength than I could ever hope for.
The LDS church puts out these videos on YouTube called "Mormon Messages."
Their latest is on her, Nie. And her story.
I know it's been circling around and pretty much everyone has seen it, but I still wanted to share just because my testimony was strengthened from watching.

Click here to watch it.
And enjoy. [I know I did.]

Cramps and Recipes.

Yeah the title probably startles you.
Let me just say that I have never in my life had cramps this bad. Ever.
It's a good thing I don't have work tonight cause I can barely walk around my apartment.
So that leaves me confined to my bed, except for when I venture out for chips & salsa...because that's all that sounds good.
Being confined to my bed makes me think that I should be productive.
After going to hard for 4 months straight though...it is difficult to be productive when I do have free time.

However, I am taking one class this semester - SFL 340 [Family Meal Management]
It's only been one week, but I already LOVE it!
So far we have made baked apples and homemade bagels! I'm slightly obsessed with the bagels. We calculated how much it cost us to make 12 (35 cents) whereas you can buy a pack at the store of only 6 for like $3. Much better deal! PLUS...you can do whatever you want to them! Whole wheat, blueberries, onion, raisins, cinnamon, flaxseed, or ALL together. Haha. My fav combo we made was whole wheat blueberry and whole wheat onion. They were super easy too, which you wouldn't think they would be. The more practice I have I bet I'll get better and it will go faster. Someday I'll probably make them every week just to have them on hand.
Today we went on a field trip to the Macey's grocery store and Macy's department store. At Macey's we went behind the scenes and saw everything. There is SO much more in there than I ever realized and SO much more I am entitled to as a consumer than I ever realized. Then at Macy's she talked to us about what kitchen appliances we absolutely need, what pots and pans are best, differences in dishes, etc.
It was seriously SO fun!
So now I am kindof obsessed with all this junk. I used to make fun of my sister, Krista, for being so obsessed with kitchen gear, but I am turning into her. It's SO fun! Food is so great.

So now...back to my confinement of the day.
I've literally been looking at recipes for three [count them...THREE] hours and saving the ones that look good. I want to try them all out! Pretty much every recipe I can alter to be healthier by either adding veggies, using wheat flour, sweeteners instead of sugar, sugar free stuff, cooking spray instead of butter, etc. I wish I had more time to cook always. But it is way difficult to cook for just one person. PB&J wins the majority of the time. I need my boyfriend down here so I'll at least have someone else. [can you just move down here now, please? thanks.]
Anyways, that's been my afternoon.

Up next for the evening?
Chips and salsa.
Glee at 8. [T-minus 36 mins]
More fetal positioning.
Mustering out a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for my womanhood and those Godgiven womanly organs.

Hope your evening is filled with yummy food, recipe research, and a content uterus.

Swamps.

So there was this cat.
And her name was Swampy.
She might not have been the brightest of cats in this world, but she definitely was the sweetest.
We got her when I was 11.
Karly found her at Girl's Camp when she was just a few days old. Of course they brought her home, cause that's what we do in my house. The first time I saw her she was so tiny and so cute!
At first we weren't sure if we were going to keep her or try to give her away.
We kept her and named her Swampy since we found her by the Okefenokee Swamp in GA.
She was the funniest kitten ever! She loved to play and explore and seriously had the cutest face in the world.
She loved to cuddle and loved to be around people all the time!
She was a very very sick kitten though.
Being abandoned at such a young age left her to fend for herself, which is not so easy when you're a day old. Because of that she was very sick.
The vets actually told us they didn't think she would last very many years.
They don't know what family they're dealing with here. We are the Maurers. Animals do not die in our house. They stick it out to the very end.
So year after year after year Swampy was still with us.
She became quite the scardy-cat however, which was weird considering how much of an explorer she was as a kitten.
She was scared of being outside [again, odd] and scared of new people...especially men.
She had trouble using the box.
She favored dad's shoes instead. [Daddy wasn't a fan of that.]
She loved being wrapped up in a blanket and being held like a baby.
She loved to give kisses.
She loved to play with our other cat, Tigger.
She was generally a happy cat.
As time went on she finally learned how to use the box, but she got sicker. Her poor little nose was raw and crusted.
She sneezed all the time and had watery eyes.
But oh was she cute and still just as sugary sweet.
Her new best friend became Wicked, Karly's cat.
Wicked brought a new life out in Swampy.
They seriously were inseparable the 9 months or so Wicked lived at our house.
That was a sad sad day when Wicked left. Swampy did not take it well.
She missed her best friend.
Well...this past January Swampy passed away.
I still can't believe it...it kinda feels surreal.
Maybe because she died while I was gone it doesn't feel real yet.
I'm used to being away from her now.
But what I'm not used to is being at home at not having her there.
She was always one to come cuddle with me.
She was always one to crave attention even if you're doing something "important."
She was just so darn cute.
I was looking through pictures and found one of her and Wicked and it made me miss her.
So I suppose Swampy is up with our other beloved pets.
I'm grateful our family had her for the 11 1/2 years that we did.
She was always the "kitten"...just like me.
We never grew out of those baby names and we enjoyed our spots.
I think that's why we had a special bond.
I miss you, Swamps.

[Here are some videos of Swampy and Wicked.]

My Worth.

I have a question. [or a couple.]
Do you ever wonder if you matter in this world?
Would it make a difference whether you were in it or not?
Would people care if you were no longer here?
Have you made an impact in the lives of others?
Is the world a better place because you're in it?

Don't worry...this is not some sort of depressing, suicidal post.
It's just some questions that I have been thinking about.
I will admit that sometimes I get down on myself.
Sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough.
I could have gotten better grades, I could have done more for Club Style, I should have tried out for folk dance sooner so now I could be traveling the world, I could have gone visiting teaching more, I should have kept in better contact with close friends, I could have served more, etc. There's an endless amount to what I could've/should've.

But then I read these things:
"You are one of the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for and I'm so blessed to be a part of your life." -Ashley Kay Sant

"You are an amazing person. Club Style is my hero for introducing me to you. My life has changed so much ever since we have become friends.I know that you genuinely care. I've never had a friend offer to drop everything and come to my side when I was having a rough time and know they actually meant it and they actually would, except for you. You have no idea how much that meant to me, and still means to me, after needing a good friend to be there for me and to talk to but having only half-hearted attempts or nothing from others." -McKell. Lyn Forbes

"She’s our baby–the one we didn’t know we needed until we had her. Her golden honey eyes bewitched me from the moment I saw her, and wrapped around her pinky I have been since I very first held her tiny body.
She’s a woman now, full of brightness and laughter, sunkissed with just the right amount of sass. Yes, at times she’s a little airy, and oh, does it makes us laugh, but she’s smart and talented and completely capable. Well actually mostly capable–that is, as capable as the baby of a family can be. Equally lovely, funny, sweet, and strong, full of faith and conviction and goodness, I’m sometimes amazed at who she’s become.
And yet, I’m not.
We always knew she was special." -Krista Maurer

These are just a few of the things I could read that give me that boost to keep on going, to realize I do make a difference in this world. Just when I think no one would miss me I get a text from Leah with just a simple "I love you." I get a funny text message from Daddy while he's watching Sesame Street. I hear a Karen Carpenter song and don't hear her singing, but my Mama instead. [cause she's more amazing.]

I have so many blessings in my life: my parents, my sisters, my friends, my education, my talents, my jobs, and of course my incredible boyfriend. [we can't forget him! :]

So next time you feel like you have no worth...go read some of those text messages you've saved or those blog spots about you or those notes that you've kept in the shoebox at the top shelf of your closet. Then say a prayer thanking your Heavenly Father for putting you on this Earth and THIS time...just as you were meant to be. You'll feel better. I testify.